IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

as increasing number of people are buying what they need online.What are the advantage and disadvantage for both individuals and companies to shopping online.

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In
this
Linking Words
fast phase
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
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 world, the number of people
shop
Correct pronoun usage
who shop
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 online increased rapidly
nowadays
Rephrase
apply
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.
This
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 new trend has several benefits to buyers and
corporationS
Correct your spelling
corporations
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, as it is
time
Add an article
a time
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 saver and
cost effective
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
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 for both of them .
However
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, it
also
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 has a few issues that can not be overlooked
such
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 as software malfunctions
,
Correct word choice
and, risk
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risk
Correct article usage
the risk
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 of cybertheft . Undoubtedly,
due to
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 the advancement of technology
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life has changed dramatically for both individuals and
businesses
Use synonyms
 .One major benefit for
businesses
Use synonyms
 is it
cut
Wrong verb form
cuts
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 down the expenses of
maintaing
Correct your spelling
maintaining
 facilities and staff.
Although
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 virtual shopping
is lack
Wrong verb form
lacks
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Correct article usage
the
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reality of
Add an article
the product
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product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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, it saves
Add an article
a
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substantial amount of money as it
shipped
Wrong verb form
ships
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product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 directly from
Add an article
the
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warehouse
Fix the agreement mistake
warehouses
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instead
Linking Words
 of stores.
In addition
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, online purchasing saves time of
travell
Correct your spelling
travel
 from home to stores .
In person
Add a hyphen
In-person
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 shopping ,
on the other hand
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, can be more
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
due to
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 increased
traffics
Correct subject-verb agreement
traffic
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 on the roads . Without a doubt,
due to
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 the help of internet shopping become more convenient as it is just
click
Correct article usage
a click
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 away ,
it
Correct word choice
but it
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also
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 has several drawbacks.
Primary
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The primary
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one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 technical errors and misusage of information .
While
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 the trend of online shopping increased, it
also
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 increased the chances of getting scammed by
cybercrimers
Correct your spelling
cybercrimes
cybercrime
cyber crimes
.
Due to
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 the leak of personal data or software malfunctions
Add a comma
,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 buying things online, cyber theft can happen where a shopper can be scammed , leading to
Correct article usage
a
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losse
Correct your spelling
loss
lose
losses
 of money .
Moreover
Linking Words
,
online
Correct article usage
the online
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 shopping technique is being used mostly by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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large
corporation
Fix the agreement mistake
corporations
show examples
 as they have big warehouses where they can store their inventory ,
due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of financial resources small
businesses
Use synonyms
 can not adopt
this
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 technique which
reslut
Correct your spelling
result
results
 in
Correct article usage
the closures
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closures
Fix the agreement mistake
closure
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 of their
businesses
Use synonyms
. In conclusion , online shopping
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 several benefits
such
Linking Words
 as cost saving and
effecient
Correct your spelling
efficiency
,
however
Linking Words
 , the risk of being scammed individually and
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of financial
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 from local
businesses
Use synonyms
 are two major drawbacks .

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task but could benefit from clearer organization and more detailed examples. Try to elaborate further on the advantages and disadvantages with specific instances or statistics to enhance the depth of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using clearer linking words to improve the flow of your essay. This will help connect your ideas better and create a more logical progression between points.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to make your writing more polished. Small errors can distract the reader and affect the overall impression of your work. Proofreading your essay can help catch these mistakes.
task achievement
The essay successfully identifies clear advantages and disadvantages of online shopping, reflecting a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your argument about time-saving benefits due to online shopping is well-presented and relevant, demonstrating clear comprehension of the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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