IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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International sports
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been
acheived
Correct your spelling
achieved
 by some nations through constructing specific
facilities
Use synonyms
 where the most talented
athletes
Use synonyms
 can
train
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, rather than making these
facilities
Use synonyms
 accessible to everyone. I support the above statement
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because we are going to see the importance of using selective
facilities
Use synonyms
 for top
athletes
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of making them use the normal training grounds. Sports
personels
Correct your spelling
personnel
 require intensive
follow ups
Add a hyphen
follow-ups
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 and training which are specialised to their specific body and sport. You often see the most accomplished
athletes
Use synonyms
 have
personal
Add an article
a personal
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 trainer or even their own training
ground
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grounds
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 in their houses.
Such
Linking Words
 measures are put in
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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place because these players require different training from the general public which makes them the best in their sporting activity. Making these
facilities
Use synonyms
 available for everyone will reduce the training time
due to
Linking Words
crowd
Fix the agreement mistake
crowds
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 in the training centre or even the
athletes
Use synonyms
 being distracted by other
people
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. Becoming a great athlete means you follow a specific routine in the field or court, having a public centre as your training place makes it difficult to follow the routine.
For
Linking Words
example
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example,
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 on
specific
Change the article
a specific
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 day the trainee is required to go on the treadmill but
due to
Linking Words
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
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 the gym they cannot access it, that means that the routine will be changed making it difficult for them to achieve their goals. On the other side of having specialised
facilities
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 where top
athele
Correct your spelling
athlete
train
Use synonyms
 is not easy to construct and maintain, they require
high end
Add a hyphen
high-end
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 machines which are expensive to buy. They
also
Linking Words
 need personal trainers who
not
Add a missing verb
are not
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 cheap to employ.
Therefore
Linking Words
 having a different place where these
athletes
Use synonyms
train
Use synonyms
 will be an expensive task.
Also
Linking Words
 mixing top
athletes
Use synonyms
 with normal
people
Use synonyms
 can be motivating, as future talents can see the effort needed to be the top 1% of the
people
Use synonyms
 who make it in the sport. Mixing
people
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also
Linking Words
 leads to the identification of new talents which would have been missed were it not for them training together. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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 having a specialised
facilty
Correct your spelling
facility
 for the sports
personel
Correct your spelling
person
personnel
 is important for them as it helps them focus and
train
Use synonyms
 more, which is needed by the countries they represent as they are required to bring in more medals.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the logical flow of ideas. Ensure each paragraph connects back to the main argument of whether specialized facilities are positive or negative.
task achievement
Make sure to balance your arguments by giving an equal amount of attention to both views before stating your opinion clearly at the end.
language and accuracy
Greater attention to grammar, spelling, and punctuation can enhance readability. For example, 'personels' should be 'personnel', and 'acheived' should be 'achieved'.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and outlines the importance of specialized facilities for top athletes.
task achievement
Several examples and reasons are provided to back up arguments, contributing to the overall strength of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialised facilities
  • train top athletes
  • international sports
  • boost
  • reputation
  • attract
  • sporting events
  • access
  • general public
  • inequality
  • opportunities
  • overemphasis
  • elite sports
  • neglect
  • grassroots development
What to do next:
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