IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, a fair amount of people consider
competition
Use synonyms
 as a best practice to adopt in our daily lives.
However
Linking Words
, a few others oppose the thinking, and say that individuals should rely on
cooperation
Use synonyms
 rather than on
competition
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, one should entertain
cooperation
Use synonyms
 over
competetion
Correct your spelling
competition
. In
this
Linking Words
fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
show examples
 world,
competetion
Correct your spelling
competition
 has become a common phenomenon. It
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 individuals to finish their tasks efficiently and quickly. Thereby, they
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
received
 a lot of material benefits
such
Linking Words
 as money and fame.
Inaddition
Correct your spelling
In addition
,
competition
Use synonyms
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 organisations to achieve their goals on time and
thus
Linking Words
 increase productivity and revenue. It is very clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 today, citizens are much attracted to the outer beauty of
competition
Use synonyms
 without learning the consequence hidden beneath. With the help of
competition
Use synonyms
, people became more independent,
self sufficient
Add a hyphen
self-sufficient
show examples
, productive and
above all
Linking Words
 selfish. People began treating their fellow beings as enemies. Individuals now have failed to express
love
Use synonyms
 and
kindess
Correct your spelling
kindness
 to each other. The basic purpose of human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 is to provide
love
Use synonyms
 and care for others. The core reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 life lies within
love
Use synonyms
,
love
Use synonyms
 is the beginning of life,
without
Correct word choice
and without
show examples
 it, the entire human race cease to exist. It is true that
competition
Use synonyms
 may provide some
achievments
Correct your spelling
achievements
 to a certain extent,
however
Linking Words
, it is through
cooperation
Use synonyms
 a longlasting and meaningful
benefits
Correct the article-noun agreement
benefit
show examples
 has achieved.
Those
Change preposition
For those
show examples
 who practice
cooperation
Use synonyms
, even
sky
Correct article usage
the sky
show examples
 is not the limit.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I would strongly
reccomend
Correct your spelling
recommend
 a path through
cooperation
Use synonyms
 over
competition
Use synonyms
. The benefits of
cooperation
Use synonyms
 outweigh
competition
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to introduce more specific examples or case studies to support your arguments, as this strengthens your opinion and illustrates your points more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea or topic sentence to improve the overall logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Consider elaborating more on both sides of the argument before giving your own opinion in the conclusion, to provide a more balanced discussion.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion favoring cooperation over competition, which is essential for a personal response in this task.
task achievement
You demonstrated an understanding of the topic and conveyed your ideas in a nuanced manner, showing critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: