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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Museums
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 play a crucial role in society by preserving culture and knowledge.
While
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 some argue that
museums
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 should primarily be places of
entertainment
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, others believe their main function is to educate
visitors
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.
This
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 debate arises because
museums
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 have evolved over time, offering various types of exhibits that appeal to different audiences.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own viewpoint. Many people believe that
museums
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 should serve as
entertainment
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 spaces to attract a broader audience and create memorable experiences. In recent years, exhibitions based on cartoons, comic books, and films have gained popularity, as they make
museums
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 more interactive and engaging.
For instance
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, in 2004, the organizers of Detective Conan, a renowned Japanese animated series, held exhibitions worldwide, including Vietnam, attracting thousands of
visitors
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. Since these events allowed fans to socialize, take photos, and immerse themselves in the fictional world of their
favorite
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favourite
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 characters, they resembled
entertainment
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 venues rather than traditional
museums
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. By incorporating
such
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 interactive elements,
museums
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 can appeal to a wider demographic, especially younger generations.
On the other hand
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, many argue that
museums
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 should focus on education, as their primary purpose is to teach
visitors
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 about history, culture, and science. Schools and universities often collaborate with
museums
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 to enhance learning experiences by organizing field trips, guided tours, and expert lectures.
For example
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, many schools arrange museum visits where teachers explain the significance of
artifacts
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artefacts
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, and universities invite scholars to provide in-depth discussions on specific exhibits. By offering structured learning opportunities,
museums
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 help
visitors
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 develop a deeper understanding of various subjects, reinforcing their role as institutions of knowledge rather than
entertainment
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. In summary,
museums
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 can serve both
entertainment
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 and educational purposes.
While
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 engaging exhibits attract
visitors
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, educational content ensures that
museums
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fulfill
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fulfil
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 their fundamental role of preserving and sharing knowledge.
Therefore
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,
museums
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 should strive to create a balanced experience
that is
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 both enjoyable and intellectually enriching, catering to diverse audiences.

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task achievement
You could enhance your introduction by clearly mentioning that you will also provide your own opinion at the end of the essay. This will set clearer expectations for the reader.
task achievement
In the paragraph discussing education, consider providing an example from a specific museum or exhibit that highlights this educational aspect more directly. This will strengthen your point.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your transitions between paragraphs clearly indicate the shift in focus from entertainment to education. This will improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance the conclusion, you might reiterate your personal stance more explicitly instead of presenting it as a balanced viewpoint. This will clarify your position for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a strong introduction that outlines the topic effectively and provides a clear structure for the discussion.
task achievement
You have effectively used relevant examples to support your points, particularly in the first body paragraph, which makes your argument more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points nicely and reiterates the importance of balancing education and entertainment in museums.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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