IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way to solve the world's environmental problem is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent days, environmental destruction has been a major issue to be discussed. Some policies suggest increasing the cost of fuels to reduce the consumption of oil. I believe
this
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 suggestion is one of the best ways to solve
this
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 problem.
To begin
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 with, the
consumer
Replace the word
consumption
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 of oil
is
Verb problem
has
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 increased because of the demand for fuels.
This
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 happens because the growth of vehicles is growing dramatically.
Furthermore
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, if
this
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 situation continues, it will impact and destroy the
environment
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.
However
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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commodities
such
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 as factories, farms, and agriculture are the biggest sectors that use
fuel
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 as their primary resource to accommodate their business.
Moreover
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, cars are
also
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 using
fuel
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 to power their engines.
On the other hand
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, if we still facilitate those commodities for using
fuel
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 without taking responsibility for the
environment
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, we can lose the
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
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.
Furthermore
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, the government should make regulations to prevent the destruction of the
environment
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 from continuing.
For example
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, by
putting
Verb problem
reducing
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 the high cost of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fuel
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 and reducing the cost of public transportation
Instead
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 of using their own cars, people choose to take public transportation.
Moreover
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,
for
Change preposition
apply
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factories, farms, and agricultural commodities,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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need to accelerate their waste disposal in an environmentally friendly way and double their tax for consuming the
fuel
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.
In addition
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, the government
also
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 provides a penalty if they break the rules. In conclusion, people need to realise that the destruction of the
environment
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 is an essential issue that we need to protect. We need to maintain our
environment
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 to be excellent to live in with harmony and balance in nurture.

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Task Achievement
The essay should present a clear thesis statement early on. While you state that increasing fuel costs is a good solution, it could be more explicitly linked to the main argument throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve the transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance the flow of the essay. For instance, using linking words like 'Firstly', 'Additionally', or 'Consequently' could help create a more cohesive structure.
Task Achievement
Some points about government regulation are good but could be developed further with more specific examples or explanations about how these measures would be effective in reducing environmental damage.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion on the issue.
Task Achievement
You provide valid points about the implications of fuel costs on the environment and transportation choices.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental problem
  • carbon emissions
  • public transport
  • carpooling
  • alternative energy vehicles
  • electric cars
  • hybrid cars
  • sustainable transportation
  • fuel-efficient vehicles
  • revenue generation
  • environmental initiatives
  • renewable energy
  • reforestation
  • economic disparity
  • subsidies
  • mitigation
  • incentivize
  • adoption
  • market shift
  • consumer behavior
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