IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many doctors say that people in today's would do not do enough physical exercises. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions are there to this problems?

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Today, several doctors point out that
people
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 aren't getting enough
exercise
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. We know that
,
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apply
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 it can be difficult to perform the physical activity necessary to keep the body healthy, some point to the busy daily routine, and others, to misinformation and
lack
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 of awareness on the subject. Anyway,
lack
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 of long-term
exercise
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 brings an endless number of health problems. In
this
Linking Words
 brief essay, I'll outline the possible causes and solutions. On the one hand,
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle has been the main determinant of problems
such
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 as overweight and obesity,
coupled with
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 a culture that promotes and invites
people
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 to stay in comfort and pleasure.
On the other hand
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,
people
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’s indifference or unwillingness to face a situation they know is not
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
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 for their health. Some experts aim to change a sedentary life gradually,
this
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 can be
for example
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,
drink
Wrong verb form
drinking
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 soft drinks,
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 the ladder
instead
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 of the
asensor
Correct your spelling
sensor
, etc. In my opinion, these changes may be key, because a person can see significant progress without sacrificing so much.
While
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 there are
people
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 addicted to
exercise
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, there are some who simply do not tolerate it. Maybe because they tried to do a gym routine that left them exhausted and defeated. For
this
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, it is important to understand that, there are activities that keep them active, where they do not have to spend bad times exercising. Dancing, swimming or even cycling at a controlled pace is beneficial and effective for keeping fit. In conclusion, the
lack
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 of
exercise
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 and physical activity, responds to a sedentary and inactive lifestyle, disinformation, and the
lack
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 of importance that
people
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 give it compared with other activities of their day. Starting with small changes, that do not cause major complications, can be the beginning of a new appreciation around the
exercise
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,
as well as
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 doing some sport or activity that goes with their interests.

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task achievement
The essay generally addresses the task, but try to expand on the main points and provide more in-depth analysis. Some arguments could be supported with more specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay has an overall logical structure, improving the flow between paragraphs can enhance coherence. Use more linking phrases and transitional words to guide readers through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider summarizing key points more effectively in the conclusion, making sure that it resonates with the arguments made in the main body.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets the context for discussing the causes and solutions to the lack of physical exercise, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay presents valid points about different factors contributing to a sedentary lifestyle which shows the ability to think critically about the subject.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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