Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
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modern era, competition becomes a general activity to stimulate adrenaline to make achievements. Some
people
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believe competition among
children
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should be encouraged, and some
people
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believe teaching
children
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to collaborate as a team is more convenient.
This
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essay will discuss both points of view.
To begin
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with, some parents suggest their
children
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to have a mentality as a winner. Competition drives
children
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to be more challenging in their lives.
Children
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can create the ability to encourage their limits to be successful.
This
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method
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brings benefits for
children
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to push themselves to give excellent output from them.
Moreover
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,
children
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will give their best to achieve the best result. They
also
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can learn how to be more disciplined in every aspect of life.
However
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, sometimes
children
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who are taught
this
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method
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have a lack of empathy and sympathy. They tend to focus on their lives because they are busy making achievements.
On the other hand
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,
children
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who can work as a team can be more collaborative with other
people
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. They can work together and be more helpful.
Furthermore
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,
children
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who can cooperate can build empathy and sympathy.
This
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method
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will help them to increase sensitivity for other
people
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.
In addition
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,
children
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who are taught by
this
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method
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will be encouraged to be more useful in social life. In conclusion, both methods have a good intention to teach
children
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. It depends on parents what kind of characteristics of
children
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they want to build. As long as the
method
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has the same values as the parent's mission.

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improvement
Your introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and outlines the main points. However, consider refining your thesis statement to better reflect the complexity of both views and your own opinion.
improvement
In your body paragraphs, while you address both perspectives, aim to balance the discussion more evenly and link your points more clearly to illustrate the contrasts between competition and cooperation.
improvement
In the conclusion, reinforce your stance more strongly to provide a clearer takeaway for the reader. Consider summarizing the key points that led you to your final opinion.
strength
You successfully identify key points for both competition and cooperation, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
strength
Your writing maintains a formal tone appropriate for an academic essay, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
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