IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In recent years, the number of
people
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 moving from rural
areas
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 to
cities
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 has increased significantly. The main benefits of
this
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 are economic growth and accessible services for individuals;
however
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, there are many drawbacks to
this
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such
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 as overcrowding and environmental pressure in
cities
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. The main reason drivers
people
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 move to
cities
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 is to get various facilities.
Cities
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 offer better healthcare, education, and infrastructure compared to rural
areas
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.
People
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 move into urban
areas
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 for a better and high-quality life for themselves or their children.
Additionally
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, having more
people
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 in
cities
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 helps in economic growth.
For instance
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, urban
areas
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 provide a number of job
opportunities
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 with high salaries, these
opportunities
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 are associated with economic improvement in countries by increasing productivity and innovation. From my perspective,
this
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 phenomenon has a negative development because overpopulation in urban
areas
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 leads to a lack of job
opportunities
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 and pollution.
However
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, the negative drawback of
people
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 living in
cities
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 is overpopulation. Population in
cities
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 leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 shortage of jobs and housing, which makes the living cost in
cities
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 extremely high.
Furthermore
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, when
people
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 move from the countryside to
cities
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 that puts high pressure on the environment
due to
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 overcrowding. Traffic jams contribute to increasing emissions of carbon dioxide which leads to serious environmental issues
such
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 as air pollution or climate change.
For example
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, New York is one of the most polluted
cities
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 in the world
due to
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 overpopulation, which makes it difficult for the government to regulate air pollution and improve air quality. In conclusion, in some countries,
people
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 moving to
cities
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 are increasing significantly, which leads to a decrease in population in rural
areas
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 because urban
areas
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 provide better facilities and
opportunities
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 for
people
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 and
this
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 has a positive impact on economic growth in countries.
However
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, it is thought that
this
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 may lead to serious environmental problems and a lack of jobs and housing which causes poverty
due to
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 the high cost of living in
cities
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.

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task achievement
Although your essay addresses the question well, you could enhance the introduction by explicitly stating your viewpoint earlier. This would help provide a clearer argument throughout your essay.
task achievement
In your paragraphs, aim to develop your ideas more fully. For instance, elaborating on the solutions to overcrowding would add depth to your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to clearly delineate your ideas with linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will contribute to a more cohesive overall structure.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and using more complex grammatical forms to enhance the sophistication of your writing.
content
Your essay presents a clear distinction between the positive and negative aspects of rural to urban migration, which is an important aspect of critical thinking.
supporting detail
You provided specific examples, such as New York City, to illustrate your points, effectively reinforcing your arguments regarding environmental issues.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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