IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that history is an interesting subject. Others argue that it is boring and has no place in modern life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals believe that
history
Use synonyms
 is an engaging subject, meanwhile, others argue that it is
tedious
Correct article usage
a tedious
show examples
 one and actually has no place nowadays. I am convinced that
history
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 is
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
significant, as it keeps
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 about humanity. The following paragraphs will discuss both views of
the
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apply
show examples
history
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's meaning for the modern world. Nowadays, the
history
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for
Change preposition
of
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average
Add an article
the average
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 is
only
Correct article usage
the only
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 subject in school, which
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 must explain and conduct. But what is the significance of
this
Linking Words
 lesson in our world?
The
Correct article usage
History
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history
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 has been
writing
Wrong verb form
written
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 for centuries by many
people
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, who change our lives by that moment and it provides mankind
great
Add an article
the great
a great
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 opportunity to live in comfort
entertainment
Correct word choice
and entertainment
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 with all conditions for life.
For example
Linking Words
, Nicola Tesla's archives, which most engineers wanted to find out were lost, but in 1970, the government managed to get the documents back and provide them for
museum
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museums
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 in his hometown, letting
people
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to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
develop their skills and knowledge in mechanical engineering. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand, some
people
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 do not like
discussion
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discussions
show examples
 about historic events, which take
long
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a long
show examples
 time. But why? The main reason is lectures in institutions, which for students can be tedious
due to
Linking Words
 their lack of involvement. In the modern era, pupils
much
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apply
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prefer
focus
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to focus
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 on learning only those subjects that they need to pass
in
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apply
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exams.
In a
Change preposition
A
show examples
 recent study from psychology faculty in Utokyo,
demonstrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrates
show examples
 how students relate to classes. The
history
Use synonyms
 was boring for teens only because of
teacher's
Correct article usage
the teacher's
show examples
 inability to explain more interesting and
shortly
Replace the word
quickly
show examples
. In conclusion,
the
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apply
show examples
history
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 subject that most
people
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 must not know in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
, but it is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
one that most of us should remember. Because, it is
works
Correct article usage
the works
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 of our ancestors, who create
this
Linking Words
 world, which we have nowadays.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a clearer introduction that directly outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will improve the logical flow and help the reader anticipate the content.
task achievement
Make sure to clarify your opinion more explicitly in the introduction and conclusion. This will strengthen the overall message of your essay.
task achievement
Try to expand on your supporting examples and connect them more directly to your argument. This will make your points more compelling and easier to follow.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples that illustrate your points, which is a great way to support your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views, demonstrating a balanced approach to the topic, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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