IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Shifting from the countryside to developed places has become a common trend in the world.
This
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 is because many
people
Use synonyms
 feel that they might be able to get better opportunities,
however
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, I do not believe
this
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 is advantageous because it will create
People
Use synonyms
 nowadays are really concerned about their future, and
due to
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this
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, they will need better outsets. Basically,
this
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 is the main reason to move from rural areas to
cities
Use synonyms
. They think if they live in the city, they might get efficient properties
such
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 as education, healthcare, and transportation., and they will get jobs with expected salaries.
For instance
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, in Bursa,
people
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 from different villages are trying to change their place towards a developed place, like Istanbul as
such
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 they might lead a preferable life and make a greater amount of money for the time they worked.
In contrast
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, I think that leaving rural areas is not a wise decision because if a large portion of
people
Use synonyms
 are trying to leave villages, it would create lots of challenges in the existing public services downtown.
That is
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 to say that opportunities that are already given to
people
Use synonyms
 cannot
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the desire of extra citizens who tend to live in
cities
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
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, there are limited chances to get
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 quality of services from governments.
For example
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, Ankara is one of the most densely populated
cities
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 in Turkey as many
people
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 come here only for long better opportunities but eventually, they cannot get what they want. In conclusion, the population always prefers a quality life that allows them to choose places like the metropolis
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is why many of them try to live şin urban areas,
however
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, I disagree because it might produce lots of problems with the services that are already available in
cities
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Strengthen your thesis statement in the introduction to clearly outline your argument regarding whether the trend is positive or negative.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is well-developed with supporting details. Some points need further elaboration.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and ideas, making your argument more fluid.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which add depth to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • migration
  • employment opportunities
  • infrastructure
  • educational access
  • healthcare services
  • cultural vibrancy
  • economic disparity
  • rural decline
  • social amenities
  • quality of life
  • job market
  • living conditions
  • remote work
  • digital economy
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