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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many elder people are no long look after their families but are put in care home and nursing homes.What are advantages and disadvantages of this .

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In recent years,
families
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 have chosen to find healthcare or nurse homes for their elderly relatives. Some people argue that
this
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 approach promotes the formation of negative
health
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 conditions,
while
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 others believe that
this
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 can affect both emotional and physical
health
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 conditions in the long term. There are both advantages and disadvantages to
such
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 a situation. Elderly healthcare properties might improve living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
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 for both
families
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 and elders. In some situations when the
health
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 condition is severe,
families
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 are not able to provide the necessary
care
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 for their relatives
while
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 working full-time.
Furthermore
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,
care
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 homes provide better environments
as well as
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 social groups that support the emotional well-being of people in their golden years. As an example, Turkey offers elderly community housing, where seniors can have all the necessary support and
health
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care
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,
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apply
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while
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 living lives, gardening and spending time with their peers.
Such
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 an environment enriches the remaining years. Among the drawbacks, the separation from the family is emotionally damaging. Emotional support and a healing environment are not offered at some nursing homes. The majority of
such
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 places focus on sustaining
health
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 rather than improving it.
Therefore
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,elders might feel isolated and abandoned by their
families
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. Taking my grandmother as an example, she is in very poor
health
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 and my mom is not capable of taking
care
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 of her, but feels miserable that her mother is put in
such
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 conditions. The decision to put an elderly relative into a nurse's
care
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 is a hard one to make. There are many advantages for everyone and quality of life can be enhanced if the place is well-equipped.
However
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, most nurseries only focus on sustaining lives and that might not be the best environment for the loved one to be placed at.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states what the advantages and disadvantages are, as this helps to set the context for your essay. You might consider rephrasing your thesis to more explicitly reflect both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to separate your paragraphs clearly and ensure each one focuses on a single main idea to improve flow and readability. For instance, you could more clearly define the advantages and disadvantages with separate headings or paragraphs.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, consider including more varied and detailed examples, especially in your disadvantages section, to provide a broader perspective on the issue.
task achievement
Your essay presents relevant examples, such as the situation in Turkey, which effectively illustrate your points about the advantages of care homes. This adds depth to your argument, showing that you researched the topic thoughtfully.
task achievement
The writing demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, effectively engaging with the complexities of the issue surrounding elderly care homes versus family care.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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