IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people think that zoos are not good enough for animals and they should be improved or animals must go to natural life. What is your opinion ?

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Many people believe that
zoos
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 are harmful to
animals
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 and should either be improved or abolished. From my perspective, keeping
animals
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 in captivity is unnatural, and their habitats should be as close to the wild as possible. One major reason
zoos
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 are controversial is that they restrict
animals
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’ freedom and often fail to meet their physical and psychological needs. In the wild,
animals
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 have vast territories,
while
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 in
zoos
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, they are confined to small enclosures, leading to stress and unnatural
behavior
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behaviour
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.
For example
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, elephants in captivity frequently develop health issues
due to
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 the lack of space to roam.
Although
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zoos
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 contribute to tourism and economic development, these benefits do not justify the suffering of
animals
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. Many people visit
zoos
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 to see exotic species, but modern alternatives
such
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 as wildlife reserves and virtual experiences can provide education without harming
animals
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.
Instead
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 of keeping them in cages, conservation programs should focus on protecting
animals
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 in their natural environments. That being said, it is unrealistic to close all
zoos
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 immediately.
Therefore
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,
zoos
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 must improve conditions by expanding enclosures, creating more natural environments, and reducing human interaction to minimize stress. Providing
animals
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 with hiding spaces and rest periods can help them feel safer. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
zoos
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 are not ideal for
animals
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, they can be improved to ensure better welfare.
However
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, the ultimate goal should be to protect
animals
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 in the wild rather than keep them in captivity.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments, such as statistics or studies on the welfare of animals in zoos versus the wild.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your points flow logically from one to the next, possibly by using even clearer linking phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
While your conclusion summarizes your points well, you might want to reinforce your stance a bit more strongly. You could reiterate why protecting animals in the wild is the preferred option, making your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and structure, effectively addressing the prompt while maintaining a focused argument throughout.
coherence and cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, which encapsulate your main points and provide a satisfying framework for your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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