IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The only way to improve safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. To what extent do you agree with this idea? (REVANN)

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The statement notes that increasing
road
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safety
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 is only possible if strict penalties are imposed.
This
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 essay disagrees with
this
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 thought because
while
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 giving stricter punishments
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 important for
safety
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,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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that is
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 not the only way to improve the security of
roads
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. Governments can use alternative measures
such
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 as improving
infrastructure
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, promoting
education
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, and enhancing enforcement are more effective in creating long-term
road
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safety
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.
Firstly
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, stricter penalties may seem like a straightforward solution, but they often fail to address the underlying causes of dangerous driving. Many accidents happen
from
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due to
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 factors
such
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 as poorly designed
roads
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 and unclear signage.
Therefore
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road
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 authorities must focus
improving
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on improving
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road
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infrastructure
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such
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 as safer intersections, clearer markings, and well-maintained
roads
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, which can prevent accidents from occurring in the first place.
For example
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, more than 35
percent
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per cent
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 of accidents in Thailand are caused by poor
road
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infrastructure
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 and poor signage.
Moreover
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,
education
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 plays a critical role in drivers' behaviour. A person who knows traffic rules can escape more easily from danger than those who don't know and
this
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 situation can create safe
roads
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. Comprehensive driver
education
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 programs, including defensive driving courses and awareness campaigns, can educate drivers.
For instance
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, countries like the Netherlands, known for their
road
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safety
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 records, prioritize driver
education
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 and public awareness over punitive measures. In conclusion, improving the
safety
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 of
roads
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 by means of strict punishments is crucial, but
that is
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 not one way to do it.
While
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 improving
roads
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'
infrastructure
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 or
education
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 programs governments can improve
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safety
Add an article
the safety
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 of
roads
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. By addressing the root causes of dangerous driving, these measures are far more likely to create lasting improvements in
road
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safety
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 than relying on punishment alone.

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coherence
Your introduction presents a clear thesis statement, which is great. However, try to avoid the use of 'but' starting a clause after stating 'while giving stricter punishments are important.' This weakens the flow. Instead, keep it as one coherent statement to clearly convey your disagreement.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples and statistics that support your main points, such as the mention of Thailand's accidents due to poor infrastructure. This enhances the credibility of your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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