IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

At the present time ,the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults ,compared with no of older peoples .do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

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Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
adults
Use synonyms
comprised
Wrong verb form
comprise
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 the majority of the population in several countries in comparison with the elderly. It is argued
weather
Correct your spelling
whether
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this
Linking Words
 fact has more positive
aspectse
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aspects
 or the
opposit
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opposite
show examples
. The benefits of the fact that young
adults
Use synonyms
 are populated more are that they contribute to the
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 growth
as well as
Linking Words
 that young
adults
Use synonyms
 tend to be more innovative and creative than old people. One of the advantages is that the growth of the economy depends on the workforce which is composed mainly of the large number of younger citizens
in addition
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 to the taxes and driving market demand. To illustrate, the capabilities of the human being
is
Wrong verb form
are
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 reducing over time,
thus
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 the institutions
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not relying on elderlies, they rely on younger
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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instead
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.
For instance
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,
the
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apply
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startup companies usually hire 20s to late 30s age groups
due to
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 their
abilites
Correct your spelling
ability
abilities
 to manage high
work
Use synonyms
 pressures and long working hours as well. The other key advantage is the innovation and creativity that
this
Linking Words
 age group have as they tend to be more open to new ideas and can handle and deal with new technologies easily. The desire and passion
of
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for
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 succeeding in life would drive them to be more
opend
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open
opened
 minded to discover and invent new approaches in
the
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apply
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work
Use synonyms
 and
bussienesss
Correct your spelling
business
 as well.
On the other hand
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, the
work
Use synonyms
opportinites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 may not be adequate for the larger young population which will put
a
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apply
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pressure on the government to provide a solution for the issue. Regardless of the drawbacks of being younger age groups are populated more, the advantages outweigh them.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is a topic of debate that the fact that the
majrority
Correct your spelling
majority
 of society are
adults
Use synonyms
 that are young has more benefits
that
Correct word choice
than
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 downsides. I
beleive
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believe
 that the tendency of having open mindsets and creativity
in addition
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 to the
contribuation
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contribution
contributions
 to the
advancment
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advancement
 of
economy
Add an article
the economy
an economy
show examples
 can be vital,
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
 the lower
work
Use synonyms
 opportunities issue is
solveable
Correct your spelling
solvable
.

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grammar
Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'weather' (should be 'whether') and 'majrority' (should be 'majority'). Small errors can affect the clarity of your ideas.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that supporting sentences reinforce this point. Avoid introducing too many ideas in a single paragraph.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your claims. For instance, when discussing innovation, you could mention specific technologies or examples of young adults leading successful startups.
task achievement
You've presented a clear argument for the advantages of a younger population, which is an important aspect of persuasive writing.
coherence
Your essay has a logical progression of ideas, moving from economic contributions to innovation topics smoothly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • young adults
  • older population
  • economic growth
  • innovation
  • workforce
  • market demand
  • social change
  • progressive policies
  • educational opportunities
  • unemployment
  • social unrest
  • healthcare
  • infrastructure
  • demographic dividend
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