IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a re;atively large number of young adults, compared with no older people do the advantages outweigh the disadvanages

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Nowadays, young
adults
Use synonyms
 comprise the majority of the population in several countries in comparison with the elderly. It is argued whether
this
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 fact has more positive aspects or the opposite. The benefits of the fact that young
adults
Use synonyms
 are populated more are that they contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic growth
as well as
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 that young
adults
Use synonyms
 tend to be more innovative and creative than old people. One of the advantages is that the growth of the economy depends on the workforce which is composed mainly of the large number of younger citizens
in addition
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 to the taxes and driving market demand. To illustrate, the capabilities of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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 are reducing over time,
thus
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 the institutions
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not relying on elderlies, they rely on younger populations
instead
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.
For instance
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, startup companies usually hire 20s to late 30s age groups
due to
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 their abilities to manage high work pressures and long working hours as well. The other key advantage is the innovation and creativity that
this
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 age group have as they tend to be more open to new ideas and can handle and deal with new technologies easily. The desire and passion for succeeding in life would drive them to be more
open minded
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open-minded
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 to discover and invent new approaches in the work and business as well.
On the other hand
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, the work opportunities may not be adequate for the larger young population which will put pressure on the government to provide a solution for the issue. Regardless of the drawbacks of being younger age groups are populated more, the advantages outweigh them.
To conclude
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, it is a topic of debate that the fact that the majority of society
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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adults
Use synonyms
 that are young has more benefits than downsides. I believe that the tendency
of having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
 open mindsets and creativity
in addition
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contribution
Replace the word
contributing
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 to the advancement of the economy can be vital,
whereas
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 the lower job opportunities issue is solvable.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by clearly outlining specific disadvantages in a separate paragraph. This will strengthen your argument for why the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all ideas flow logically from one to the next, and consider using more transition words to enhance the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or statistics to support your points about economic contribution and innovation, as this will make your argument more compelling and grounded in evidence.
task achievement
The introduction presents a clear topic and outlines the main arguments that will be discussed throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your opinion on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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