IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

‏Crime is becoming a serious concern. Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime. While others feel that little action can be done to stop crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

While
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 many
people
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 argue that it is difficult to prevent
criminals
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 from illegal activities because they are anti-social,
such
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 measures as education and penalties can contribute to a reduced number of
crimes
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. I strongly agree with the second opinion because no humans are born with violent characters and
desire
Correct article usage
a desire
show examples
 to harm others. On the one hand, instructions and fines in prisons can decrease cases of breaking the
law
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. After being caught,
criminals
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 will be sentenced and imprisoned for a long time, during which they can be taught what they have done wrong and how their actions have bothered others. In recognition of their mistakes, they might not repeat harmful destructions to society and even educate their relatives to follow the
law
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.
Besides
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, courts can increase their level of
punishments
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punishment
show examples
 to threaten other
criminals
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.
For instance
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, British
law
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 enforcers used weapons to punish thieves and sentenced serial killers to death, which
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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effectively
dereased
Correct your spelling
decreased
decrease
 the number of serious
crimes
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.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 argue that humans act illegally
due to
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 their complex feelings that cannot be understood and cured.
In other words
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, some
criminals
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 just do things that they want and never care about the consequences. Even
trainings
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training
pieces of training
show examples
 in jail or death penalties cannot manage to change their anti-social behaviours.
However
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, educating
people
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 since they were
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young age can help prevent them from growing up violent because children do not do bad things instinctively.
For instance
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, Singapore has one of the best education in the world, so most children are brought up helpful and kind, which leads to a low level of
Use synonyms
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
show examples
. In conclusion, it is never impossible to eliminate
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law breakers
Correct your spelling
lawbreakers
show examples
 by instructing their illegal actions and threatening serious
crimes
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 with fines. Irrespective of difficulties in changing
people
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's behaviours, teaching them as kids to follow regulations does create a positive impact.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance the flow and guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
In the conclusion, summarize the main points more clearly and restate your opinion to reinforce your position on the topic.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, consider adding a few more specific examples to strengthen your arguments further.
task achievement
You have successfully presented both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of transitional phrases helps maintain the flow of ideas, making your essay easier to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevent crime
  • crime prevention
  • deter potential offenders
  • law enforcement
  • rehabilitation
  • root causes of crime
  • penalties
  • neighborhood watch programs
  • community-based initiatives
  • surveillance
  • integration
  • globalization
  • youth engagement activities
  • current prevention strategies
  • post-crime interventions
  • social programs
  • sophisticated crime
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