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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that cooperation is important others think that competition is good rather than cooperation. Discuss both along with your own view

There is no denying that
competition
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 and
cooperation
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both
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 play key roles among individuals, in today’s era. Some argue that
competition
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 is a better choice in workspaces
as well as
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 learning institutions
whereas
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 few think that
cooperation
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 is a must
instead
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 of fostering
cooperation
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. I partially agree with
both
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 views as
both
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 are equally significant and go hand in hand. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss
both
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 sides
along with
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 my opinion in the subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand,
competition
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 is imperative for people to be successful for numerous reasons. The most prominent one is that it promotes a sense of motivation among people.
In other words
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,
while
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 looking at someone doing great, an urge to do the same, either to compete or go ahead, develops among individuals;
thus
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, there comes a beginning to do hard work.
Moreover
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, the chances of getting a promotion in a work field rise by being competitive, if someone is giving peak performance as compared to others, higher authorities will definitely be impressed.
For instance
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, managers at organizations
such
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 as banks always look for someone having more potential to compete than other individuals, given that the chances of productivity and smooth running of business will rise.
On the contrary
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,
cooperation
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 is important to achieve success at various points in life. It gives strength to people by being supported by other team members as various minds would offer different ideas in a collaboration that allows them to have an opportunity for better productivity by strengthening bonds with each other.
Additionally
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, chaotic environments can be avoided if everyone is cooperative,
due to
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 the reason that chances of factors
such
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 as jealousy would get reduced. To exemplify, in any work area, respect will be developed among co-workers for an individual to be cooperative. In conclusion, a balanced approach is a must to be successful in any area.
However
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, I assert that collaboration is a must before being competitive, which is possible to attain by helping others in the required areas
along with
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 putting efforts in going ahead.
Therefore
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,
cooperation
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 is required to gain respect and strength alongside
competition
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 to get motivated and achieve promotion.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument and addresses the task effectively. However, ensure that each point is directly tied back to the main thesis to strengthen the overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
While your ideas are logically organized, consider refining some transitions between ideas for smoother flow. This can enhance your reader's understanding of how your points relate to one another.
structure
Your introduction sets the stage effectively by presenting both sides of the argument. Additionally, your conclusion neatly summarizes your stance, reinforcing the main points discussed in the essay.
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