IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

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It is often said that
people
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’s
health
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 in the
future
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 will be lower in the
future
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 than it is now. I don’t
not
Rewrite the sentence
apply
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fully agree with that statement.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that it will depend on how
people
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 live their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. There is no denying that
people
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 in
this
Linking Words
 era are easier to get sick than
people
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lived
Correct pronoun usage
who lived
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in
Change preposition
from
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 1950 until 1980. It
well known
Add the auxiliary verb
is well known
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 that in old times
people
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 mostly
eat
Wrong verb form
ate
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a fresh or organic and natural ingredients
Correct the article-noun agreement
fresh or organic and natural ingredients
a fresh or organic and natural ingredient
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. There are not very
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
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 fast foods in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, and
people
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 in the old era
were tends
Wrong verb form
tended
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 to have more
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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 like walking, cycling or doing household chores. It may make
people
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 think that in the
future
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people
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’s
health
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 will get lower than it is now, looking at how easily
people
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 live their life and the business in
other area
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another area
other areas
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 like working or studying in a room full of air
conditioner
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conditioners
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.
However
Linking Words
, the development of technology would make everything easier including tips to get more fit.
People
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 can easily get information from the internet. Right now, there are so many influencers that show what a healthy lifestyle is.
People
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 can access a lot of tips to make their
health
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 better, what should they eat,
what
Correct word choice
and what
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 kind of workout they should do. It can be found
in
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on
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internet
Add an article
the internet
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. The government
also
Linking Words
 make
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health
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 is one of their programs.
As a result
Linking Words
, I believe that the
health
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 of
people
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 in the
future
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 can be improved than it is now, as long as
people
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 try to be more caring about their and their
family
Change noun form
family's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly define your stance in the introduction. You may also outline the main points you will discuss for better clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Use transitional phrases more effectively to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing the impact of health technology.
coherence and cohesion
There are some grammatical errors that could affect clarity (e.g., 'I don’t not fully agree' should be 'I do not fully agree'). Proofreading can help catch these mistakes.
content
Your awareness of how lifestyle changes affect health today is commendable. You've presented relevant perspectives on both the past and future.
content
You've correctly acknowledged the role of technology and social media influencers in promoting health, which is a relevant point for discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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