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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.
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The line chart represents
sum
Add an article
the sum
show examples
 of
books
Use synonyms
 read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 until 2014. The vertical axis showcases
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of
books
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the horizontal
one
Use synonyms
 illustrates the period of time.
Overall
Linking Words
, females were
former
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a former
the former
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leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
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 in 2011 and
Correct article usage
the
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figure constantly increased for two years,
whereas
Linking Words
male’s
Change the noun form
males
male
show examples
Use synonyms
one was increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 more steeply. In 2013 the quantity of
books
Use synonyms
 read by ladies and gentlemen equalised.
However
Linking Words
, after 2013, the situation completely changed and women’s
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 decreased,
while
Linking Words
 men’s
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 continued to surge.
According to
Linking Words
 the given graph, it can be observed that amount of
books
Use synonyms
 read by ladies was just around 5000 and gentlemen’s
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was a little bit higher than 2000.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
num
Correct your spelling
the number
show examples
 of
books
Use synonyms
 read by females reached its maximum
po
Correct your spelling
point
…

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, one with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • library
  • gender
  • reading habits
  • compare
  • significantly
  • trends
  • increase/decrease
  • consistent
  • fluctuate
  • period
  • summarise
  • graph
  • public library
  • books read
  • Burnaby Public Library
  • 2011 to 2014
  • male
  • female
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