IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe actions can be taken to bring bout a change. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

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In recent years, human
activities
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 have severely damaged natural habitats, negatively affecting both animals and plants.
While
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 some argue that
this
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 destruction is inevitable, others believe that appropriate actions can help mitigate the damage. In my opinion, government intervention through strict legislation and environmental policies can play a crucial role in protecting wildlife. On the one hand, it is extremely difficult to prevent people from harming nature. With billions of individuals living across different regions, regulating their actions and making them aware of environmental consequences is a major challenge.
Additionally
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, cultural and religious traditions
further
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 complicate conservation efforts.
For instance
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, in Islam, Eid al-Adha involves the ritual sacrifice of animals
such
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 as cows, sheep, and chickens.
This
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 tradition holds deep religious and social significance, as the meat is distributed to the poor, providing essential nutrition for those in need. Given
such
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 deeply ingrained practices, implementing strict restrictions on human
activities
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 may not always be effective.
On the other hand
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, numerous conservation strategies can be adopted to counteract the negative impact of human
activities
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. One effective approach is the enforcement of strict environmental policies by governments. Through legislation, authorities can regulate industries, impose fines for deforestation and pollution, and protect endangered species.
Furthermore
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, public awareness campaigns and educational programs can encourage sustainable practices and responsible consumption. Without
such
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 proactive efforts, it would be nearly impossible to reduce human impact on biodiversity. In conclusion,
while
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 some argue that human
activities
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 will continue to harm nature regardless of intervention, I strongly believe that effective policies and strict law enforcement can significantly minimize the damage. Governments have the power to implement measures that protect wildlife, ensuring a sustainable future for both plants and animals.

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task achievement
Ensure to include more diverse examples to support your points. Consider adding a counterexample to strengthen the argument against the inevitability of environmental damage.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay is generally well-structured, linking phrases could be varied to enhance the flow between ideas. Try using a wider range of cohesive devices to further improve transitions.
task achievement
Excellent balance in discussing both views, showcasing a nuanced understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively summarizing your argument and providing a strong closing statement.
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