IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As a result of tourism, many historical buildings and sites are being damaged beyond repair. What could be done to prevent this?

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In our modern
era
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era,
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 the concept of tourism has become more
wide-spread
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widespread
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 than ever. More and more
people
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 become intrigued and allured by
all-things-foreign
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all things foreign
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, everything that comes to exotic food, unusual clothes, bizarre
tradions
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traditions
,
marvelous
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marvellous
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 landscapes and, of course, unique landmarks. Previous generations must be very envious of us
,
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apply
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 since we are able to afford trips
aroud
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around
 the globe that get us from A to B
for
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apply
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relatively fast and it would not cost us a fortune. As travelling expenses for tourists have become lower a lot of
people
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 decide to pack their bags to
experiences
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experience
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 other cultures themselves. Nowadays some countries and cities base their entire economic
wellbeing
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well-being
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 on the
numbers
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number
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 of travellers they can host and the amount of money they can make out of it. It is perfectly clear that accepting enormous groups of aliens into your community can have various outcomes. You do get more visitors spending their hard-earned money using local services and purchasing goods in local shops, which is
undoutebtedly possitevely
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undoubtedly positively
impacts
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impacting
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economy
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the economy
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. But these travellers can
also
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 be somewhat troublesome - they may not be familiar with local customs and
tradions
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traditions
, be very
roudy
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rowdy
 and noisy or even damage historical buildings and sites. In order to prevent
this
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 we can name a few
stategies
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strategies
 that can help eliminate
occurances
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occurrences
 of
this
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 type of
behavior
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behaviour
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. First of all, CCTVs have proven themselves to be a
usuful
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useful
 tool against possible perpetrators. Some
people
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 may be even afraid to accidentally touch anything if they can spot a camera
aroud
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around
. And when a tourist or anyone else
actualy
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actually
 does any damage it will be recorded and
then
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 used for future
prosection
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prosecution
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.
Secondly
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, there should be established a strict system of fines that describe exactly what you will be
charaged
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charged
 in case of
wrongdoings
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wrongdoing
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. Signs with these fine messages should be displayed somewhere near the
entrence
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entrance
 to the site or near the the site itself. Combined, these approaches should be very effective in
dettering
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detaining
people
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 from damaging
anyting
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anything
 of
hostorical
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historical
 or cultural significance.

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task achievement
Your essay touches on the negative impact of tourism effectively but could benefit from a clearer presentation of diverse preventive measures. Consider discussing more innovative solutions beyond surveillance and fines.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your ideas are better linked through the use of cohesive devices. For instance, when transitioning between points, connecting phrases could strengthen the flow of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider including a stronger conclusion that reinforces your main points and summarizes the suggested solutions to prevent damage to historical sites. This will enhance the overall structure of your argument.
task achievement
You demonstrated a good understanding of the topic and provided specific strategies to mitigate the damages caused by tourists.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively engages the reader and sets the context for the discussion, showcasing the relevance of tourism in today's society.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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