IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Many parents think that it is a good idea to teach the children about money. Why do you think it is important to teach them about money? What is the best way to teach children about money?

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Financial
stabiilty
Correct your spelling
stability
 aids in challenging
phase
Fix the agreement mistake
phases
show examples
 of human life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
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parents believe that educating their progencies about money value is a sustainable approach
for
Change preposition
to
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 a happier life. I, too gravitate towards
this
Linking Words
 trend and the impending paragraphs will
further
Linking Words
 elaborate on my certitude
along with
Linking Words
 some methods by which children can be taught the significance of money. One of the prominent
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
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 of teaching children about savings is financial stability during challenging times.
In other words
Linking Words
, having enough financial
assests
Correct your spelling
assets
 not only allows
individual
Add an article
an individual
the individual
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 to thrive through the difficult time period but
also
Linking Words
 provides mental stability.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
discouarges
Correct your spelling
discusses
bankrupty
Correct your spelling
bankruptcy
 which is
pragmatic
Add an article
the pragmatic
a pragmatic
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 situation of
current
Add an article
the current
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 state of affairs.
Secondly
Linking Words
, nurturing
such
Linking Words
 values from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood makes them responsible and independent. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
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example, saving their pocket money from early years can build their bank account which can
succor
Verb problem
succeed
show examples
 for higher education. There are several

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task achievement
The introduction should be clearer and more formal. Instead of 'the impending paragraphs will further elaborate on my certitude,' you could say, 'This essay will discuss the importance of teaching children about money and effective methods for doing so.'
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples and elaborate on them. For instance, when discussing the importance of savings for higher education, you could mention specific situations when having savings helped someone achieve their educational goals.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. Words like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' can be effective, but incorporating other transition phrases would create a smoother reading experience.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of grammar and vocabulary. Phrases like 'numerous of parents' should be corrected to 'numerous parents,' and 'progencies' should be 'progenies.' Maintaining grammatical accuracy will enhance the overall professionalism of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay touches on an important topic and shows a clear understanding of why teaching children about money is significant.
task achievement
You provide a good starting point for your arguments, and your points are relevant to the topic at hand.
coherence and cohesion
You have made an effort to include both benefits and methods in your essay, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • saving
  • investing
  • financial management
  • economic understanding
  • money-related concepts
  • allowance
  • debt avoidance
  • money appreciation
  • responsibility in finances
  • financial security
  • practical skills
  • interactive learning
  • real-life scenarios
What to do next:
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