IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You recently saw an advertisement about a business conference that can be helpful for your work. Write a letter to your manager asking permission to attend the conference. In your letter, say: what the conference is about how you know about the conference explain to him/her why it is important that you attend this conference

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Dear Manager, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to seek your permission to attend an important conference. There is a technical conference being organised on data storage and methodologies by the industry leader Microsoft. It will be held in Las Vegas, US over three days with all subject matter experts coming under one roof to discuss and brainstorm the issues, solutions and future trends of data storage. I got to know of
this
Linking Words
 even from our technology partner Microsoft. Their account manager shared
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the details about
this
Linking Words
 seminar over
mail
Correct article usage
the mail
show examples
 and was kind enough to arrange a free pass. The pass includes all sessions except the boarding and lodging. As we offer
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pioneering solutions
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 data storage to our clients, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 it's really critical for us to
join
Verb problem
attend
show examples
this
Linking Words
 event. It will not only make us aware
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 industry best practices but
also
Linking Words
 will enable us to make some social connections. It could help us to get leads for our prospective clients. I hope you find
this
Linking Words
 conference intriguing and I look forward to your prompt response. Yours faithfully, Sumit Dua

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph explores a single main idea. The second paragraph could be streamlined to improve focus.
task achievement
While the request is clearly stated, adding a specific outcome of attending could enhance the argument.
greeting and closing
The polite and formal greeting and closing establish a respectful tone.
task achievement
You provided specific details about the conference and your motivation for attending, which strengthens your request.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: