IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

School should not force children to learn a foreign language. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that foreign
languages
Use synonyms
 shouldn’t be compulsory school subjects. I could not agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and think that knowledge of at least one foreign language helps the
overall
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 development of schoolers.
Firstly
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, learning foreign
languages
Use synonyms
 is a great exercise for the brain. Active neurogenesis occurs, which improves your cognitive skills as stronger neural connections are formed.
In addition
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, your memory improves and your attention becomes more focused.
According to
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 the 2017 data, speaking two or more
languages
Use synonyms
 can delay the onset of dementia, even if a person is predisposed to it. Learning foreign
languages
Use synonyms
also
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 helps reduce the risk of Alzheimer's disease, says York University psychologists.
Secondly
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, learning
languages
Use synonyms
 helps to have a broader view of the world.
People
Use synonyms
 have the opportunity to find friends around the world,
learn
Correct word choice
and learn
show examples
 their culture, traditions and customs, which makes them more tolerant of
people
Use synonyms
 who are different from them.
Also
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, those who know foreign
languages
Use synonyms
 can go to a university or find a job abroad.
For example
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, my flatmate married an Indian because she knew English, and my best friend is studying in Germany thanks to his strong knowledge of the German language. Knowledge of
languages
Use synonyms
 breaks down boundaries, so
people
Use synonyms
 can go anywhere and do anything.
Thus
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, learning foreign
languages
Use synonyms
 helps improve brain function and expands opportunities for communication, studying and working abroad. I believe that schools should keep a foreign language among the subjects they offer for compulsory study.

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Task Response
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your position. Try to rephrase the prompt in your own words without losing the original meaning.
Task Response
Expand your conclusion to better summarize your perspective and the main points discussed, reinforcing your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, transitions between ideas should be smooth and logical. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
Task Response
Develop your main points further with more detailed examples or evidence to fully support your argument and to show a deep understanding of the topic.
Task Response
Include specific and relevant examples to substantiate your points. Make sure they are directly related to the points you are making and contribute to your overall argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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