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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that online education is a good alternative to traditional education, while others think it cannot fully replace face-to-face learning. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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While
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 some
people
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 think that an alternative choice to in-person
education
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 is online learning, others argue that onsite learning cannot be totally substituted.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and explain why I think some parts of the traditional educational system can be delivered via online classrooms. Many believe that online
education
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 can be a viable alternative to traditional training because theoretical knowledge can be effectively delivered through both online and traditional methods.
Moreover
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, it
also
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 allows
people
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 who are in remote areas to access the best educational curricula from renowned institutes
such
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 as MIT, Stanford, and Oxford.
For example
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, these universities offer online platforms sharing valuable content, engaging
people
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 from all parts of the world to study higher-quality
education
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.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 argue that traditional learning methods cannot be entirely replaced with online learning platforms
due to
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 the fact that some areas of study still require hands-on experiences or human interaction. Practical skills
such
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 as communication, and teamwork, or professional skills
such
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 as surgery, and engineering are much more effectively educated through onsite classes.
While
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 teachers can simulate real cases and give personalized feedback with onsite training, online learning can only show some examples, lowering
quality
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the quality
show examples
 of learning.
For example
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, it is better for a plastic surgeon to practice in a real operating setting rather than watching videos online. In conclusion,
although
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 some aspects of traditional training can be altered with online systems, especially theoretical knowledge, practical and professional skills are still more effectively educated through in-person
education
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.
Therefore
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, the knowledge delivery methods should be considered by the effectiveness and the type of subjects

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task achievement
Try to enhance the clarity and depth of your main points by providing more detailed explanations or elaborations.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using linking words or phrases to improve transitions between ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the overall flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check for minor grammatical errors and sentence structures, as this can impact the reading experience slightly.
task achievement
You have clearly articulated both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The use of examples, especially from well-known universities, effectively supports your points about online education.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main arguments well, reinforcing your opinion clearly.
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