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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe world poverty can be solved by the governments of rich countries giving large amounts of money to the governments of poor countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? -> Opinion essay

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Poverty has been
long-term
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a long-term
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 issue in many
countries
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 and some
people
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 believe that it can be reduced by other rich
countries
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 by supporting them with providing money.
This
Linking Words
 step could be considered and can bring large change to poor nations.
However
Linking Words
, I would like to share my agreement towards
this
Linking Words
 topic in
further
Linking Words
 detail. We all know that, in some
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countries
Add a comma
countries,
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people
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 struggle to live their lives
due to
Linking Words
 bad circumstances of economic in country.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
People
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 faced many challenges
such
Linking Words
 as in healthcare , employment,
food
Correct article usage
the food
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 sector and many other services provided by
government
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the government
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 .
This
Linking Words
 occurs
due to
Linking Words
 one and only reason
that is
Linking Words
 less money. So, to handle
such
Linking Words
 situations
this
Linking Words
 country should have taken some help from developed
countries
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, recently it was globally reported a trade war between two
countries
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,
canada
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Canada
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 and the United States .
However
Linking Words
, both
countries
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 are developed but for a very long
canada
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Canada
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 has been suffering from a downfall in economic growth which affected many poor
people
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 in the country . During
such
Linking Words
 times
countries
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such
Linking Words
 as Europe, South America and many more should support reducing poverty and improving their living, education, and health services by giving some money to
Canadian
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the Canadian
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 government.
Moreover
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,
to sum up
Linking Words
, I personally believe giving a helping hand to
such
Linking Words
 situations can create vast opportunities between
such
Linking Words
countries
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 .

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task achievement
Your introduction should clearly outline your position on the issue, perhaps stating that you partially agree or highlighting the importance of a multifaceted approach.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting details (examples or explanations) follow logically. Some points feel underdeveloped.
coherence and cohesion
Grammar and punctuation need attention throughout the essay, such as missing spaces after commas or periods (e.g., 'people faced many challenges such as in healthcare , employment...'). Proofreading could help.
task achievement
You have highlighted some important issues surrounding poverty and the role of assistance from wealthier countries.
task achievement
Your use of a real-world example adds depth to your argument, which is excellent for engagement and relevance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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