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Writing Samples
Band 6

Today many teenagers rely greatly on technology when learning. Is this a positive or negative development?

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In the modern world, a lot of teenagers have a great tendency to use new devices to learn something.
While
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,
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apply
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 some believe it has certain benefits
such
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 as efficient learning and enhanced accessibility, I argue that its negative impacts, including increased distraction and reduced cognitive ability, outweigh its advantages. Indeed, one of the most substantial advantages of hi-tech in education is easy
learning
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to learn
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 any topic with audio-visual presentations, video tutorials and graphics. Because videos and presentations can affect emotions through sound, action, and image,
as a result
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,
this
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 helps to keep a vast of information in mind for a long time.
For example
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, YouTube, Coursera, and Khan Academy have great resources which learners, especially teenagers are able to utilize them.
Thus
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, if modern devices are used to acquire pieces of knowledge, it will be more productive and help to enhance comprehension.
By contrast
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, the use of online platforms, social media, and websites, which are parts of state-of-the-art technology, might distract students during the period of study.
This
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 is
due to
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 the data
that is
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 not related to
study
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the study
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 often
appears
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appearing
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 on screens and it takes adolescents’ attention.
For instance
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, a lot of harmful content for students has been uploaded to social networks, which the young generation daily use them.
Therefore
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, too much internet surfing can cause some distraction from the main purpose of using digital transformation for studying. In conclusion,
although
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 digital advancements offer valuable learning resources, their overuse has several negative consequences. Reduced cognitive performance, increased distractions, and health issues make
this
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 trend more harmful than beneficial. To address
this
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 issue, students should be encouraged to balance traditional learning methods with technology to maximize its advantages
while
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 minimizing its drawbacks.

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument. For example, while your advantages and disadvantages are outlined, the connection between them and your thesis could be strengthened with more specific links.
task achievement
Try to provide a balance between both sides of the argument. Acknowledging counterpoints in a more developed way could enhance your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the flow between your ideas by using linking words or phrases more effectively. This will help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
While your introduction sets the stage well, consider summarizing the main points you intend to cover more explicitly at the end of your introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and is organized into distinct paragraphs, each focused on a specific point, which contributes positively to coherence.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples from known platforms like YouTube and Khan Academy strengthens your arguments and adds credibility, which is beneficial for task response.
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