IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There are many reasons that can be attributed for attending colleges and universities; for example, job opportunity, new experience, enhancing knowledge etc. In your opinion what are the main reasons for people to attend colleges and universities?

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The
Use synonyms
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 who attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 are getting higher nowadays. The question is what do the
reasons
Use synonyms
 for attending
colleges
Fix the agreement mistake
college
show examples
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 In my opinion, There are many
reasons
Use synonyms
,
However
Linking Words
, The main
reasons
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 are family and
marry
Replace the word
marriage
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to show more details about
this
Linking Words
 topic.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, There are two main
reasons
Use synonyms
 for joining
colleges
Fix the agreement mistake
college
show examples
. First of all, Families want their children to be successful
people
Use synonyms
,
Therefore
Linking Words
, They support them
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 money and
amutions
Correct your spelling
emotions
ambitions
,
Besides
Linking Words
, They push them in order to join
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
university
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,
For instance
Linking Words
, My cousin did not want to go to
university
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,
However
Linking Words
, His family pushed him to go to
university
Use synonyms
,
Hence
Linking Words
, He is at
last
Linking Words
 year in his college.
Moreover
Linking Words
, The other main reason is to marry. The
people
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 who found love in high
school
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 or middle
school
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,
They
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
always go to
university
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, Because, Their
partenrs
Correct your spelling
partners
 want to join to
university
Use synonyms
,
Moreover
Linking Words
, They do not want their partner to be studying
lonely
Correct your spelling
alone
show examples
,
Therefore
Linking Words
, They choose to study together.
For instance
Linking Words
, When was my brother
student
Correct article usage
a student
show examples
 in high
school
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, He found love with his girlfriend, And
then
Linking Words
 they graduated from high
school
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,
However
Linking Words
, His girlfriend wanted to go to
university
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 even though he did not want to, But he followed her.
However
Linking Words
, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who choose unfamiliar
reasons
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. They are always motivated and want to get a
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 education,
Hence
Linking Words
, They choose to study at
university
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, My friend wants to be a pupil at
university
Use synonyms
, Because he
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
has huge ambition and now he is the CEO of one of the biggest companies in New Zealand. In conclusion, I would argue that the main
reasons
Use synonyms
 are family and
marry
Replace the word
marriage
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Because they support us a lot.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
Task Achievement
Provide more varied and relevant examples that directly support your main points.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and provides several reasons for attending college.
Task Achievement
The use of personal examples makes the arguments relatable and engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • higher education
  • job opportunities
  • personal development
  • self-discipline
  • critical thinking skills
  • professional network
  • mentorship
  • cultural awareness
  • extracurricular activities
  • leadership skills
  • teamwork
  • globalized workforce
What to do next:
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