IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

why do people feel the need to buy luxury products? do you think material prossessions lead to happiness?

With the high quality of
products
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as well as
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 the pretentiousness of individuals, many
people
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 today feel that they have to own
luxury
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products
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. Those
luxury
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 things can make
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 feel more cheerful
due to
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 the
sense
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 of achievement. It is essential to understand that
people
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 nowadays are attracted by the
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products
Change noun form
product's
products'
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 quality.
That is
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 to say,
Luxury
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items
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 are often associated with superior craftsmanship and high-quality materials.
This
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 can make
people
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 feel that they are investing in something that will
last
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 longer and perform better than cheaper alternatives.
As a result
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, they will feel worth
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the money they
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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paid for these
items
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 Another factor
Correct pronoun usage
that make
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make
Change the verb form
makes
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people
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 feel they need
luxury
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items
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 is their pretentiousness.
In other words
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, when
people
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 own
luxury
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items
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 which their friend or
neirbour
Correct your spelling
neighbour
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not have it.
Therefore
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, the
sense
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 of pride and surpassing someone
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 feel more delighted when buying
luxury
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items
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. If
people
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owning
Wrong verb form
own
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luxury
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items
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, they will be more
cheerfull
Correct your spelling
cheerful
due to
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 the
sense
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 of
achivement
Correct your spelling
achievement
. To put it simply, purchasing a
luxury
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 product represents a goal they have worked hard to achieve.
This
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sense
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 of accomplishment can lead to happiness, as it symbolizes their hard work and their effort. In conclusion,
luxury
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products
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 can make
people
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 not only feel safer about
product's
Correct article usage
the product's
show examples
 quality, but
also
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satisfing
Correct your spelling
satisfy
 their pretentiousness which
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cheerfull with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
sense
Use synonyms
 of
achivement
Correct your spelling
achievement
.

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coherence
The introduction could be made clearer by providing a brief overview of the points you will discuss in the essay. This would help guide the reader and improve coherence.
task achievement
You have presented multiple reasons for why people feel the need to buy luxury products, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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