IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the development of technology children are now living in a world that is completely different to what it was 50 years ago. What problems does this cause for society and the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Recent decades have witnessed tremendous economic development in all sectors .
Therefore
Linking Words
 , today's young generation has
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
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 as compared
with
Change preposition
to
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 their guardians . I aim to look into
deep
Correct article usage
the deep
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 detrimental
affects
Replace the word
effects
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 of
this
Linking Words
 generation gap in upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, kids have less interest in their parents and they
does
Change the verb form
do
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 not want to spend time with each other .
For example
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 , research
had been
Verb problem
apply
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done
in
Change preposition
at
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 Harvard
university
Capitalize word
University
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 shows that in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 20
decades
Add a comma
decades,
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 the data
is
Verb problem
has
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 dropped from 20% to 5% when parents and children commuted with each other at home .
Moreover
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 , juveniles always
uses
Change the verb form
use
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 their phones ,
laptops
Correct word choice
and laptops
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 and play video games
instead
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 of studying .
Along with
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this
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 moral values and kindness gradually decreased in today's generation .
Additionally
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, It
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
 poses
barrier
Add an article
a barrier
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 in the way of growth in the society .
Firstly
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 ,
crime
Add an article
the crime
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 rate is at
the
Change the word
its
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 peak because all techniques to perform theft ,
Murdrer
Correct your spelling
murder
 and kidnapping
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 available on the Internet . Children's brain is
plain
Add an article
a plain
the plain
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 book ,
using
Correct word choice
and using
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large
Change the article
a large
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of mobile phones
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them
additive
Correct your spelling
addictive
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.
For instance
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 , In 2015 research conducted in the United States
present
Wrong verb form
presented
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
evident
Replace the word
evidence
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 that people who rely on technology have low intelligence skills .
Secondly
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, students are more interested in becoming bloggers , dancers on social media ,
cooks
Correct word choice
and cooks
show examples
instead
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 of doctors , lawyers and scientists because what they see all day on gadgets, only
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
things
print
Wrong verb form
printed
show examples
 on their brains .
Hence
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 , society
face
Change the verb form
faces
show examples
 challenges to find more capable
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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engineers, doctors ,
mentors
Correct word choice
and mentors
show examples
 .
To conclude
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 , I personally reckon that nobody can deny the fact that technology has
change
Change the verb form
changed
show examples
 our daily lives with
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
overall
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 impact but the catastrophe barrier on the community and the guardians overweigh its positive outcomes.

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task achievement
The introduction could be more clear about the main points you will discuss. Try to preview your main arguments more explicitly.
task achievement
The ideas presented are not always fully developed. For example, when discussing the decrease in moral values, it would strengthen your argument to provide specific examples or evidence.
coherence and cohesion
The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For instance, "juveniles always uses" should be "juveniles always use", and "it also poses barrier" should be "it also poses barriers".
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas. This will help improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with your punctuation and spacing. For example, there should not be a space before the commas and periods. Also, ensure that your sentences are varied in structure to enhance readability.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and raise relevant issues regarding the impact of technology on children and society.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion on the impact of technology, making your overall stance clear.
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