IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

While international tourism offers many advantages and a lot of places, it brings about several disastrous on both people and the environment there. Do the advantages of tourism outweigh disadvantages?

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Nowadays, travelling around the world is trending and offering numerous advantages to many places,
while
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 international
tourism
Use synonyms
also
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 brings several negative effects on relevant circumstances to people and the environment. I believe that international travel brings more benefits to the place and local people by providing opportunities compared to a few drawbacks for people and the environment. The growth of international exploration brings numerous advantages to communities, places, environments, and cultures.
Firstly
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, economic growth since
tourism
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 generates significant revenue for countries, boosting their economy, and creating job opportunities in sectors like hospitality, transportation, and entertainment.
Besides
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 that, it is developed in local businesses, from restaurants to souvenir shops, leading to economic diversification.
Secondly
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, cultural exchange since travellers have the chance to experience and learn about different cultures, traditions, and lifestyles.
Finally
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, environmental awareness as the protected areas and national parks often receive funding and recognition
due to
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tourism
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.
On the other hand
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, there are a few drawbacks of international
tourism
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 for environmental impact, like increased carbon emissions from air travel contributing to climate change.
Moreover
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, over-
tourism
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 can lead to the degradation of natural ecosystems,
such
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 as coral reefs or forests, and excessive waste in tourist destinations. On top of that, cultural erosion from excess exploration can lead to the dilution of cultures and traditions.
For example
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, some communities may prioritize catering to travellers over preserving their cultural heritage. In conclusion, international exploration brings numerous positive opportunities.
However
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, it comes with a few effects like environmental damage and cultural erosion if the number of
tourism
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 is in an unregulated manner.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction presents a clear thesis statement, but try to strengthen your opening sentence to better engage the reader. Consider rephrasing it for clarity and impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea. This helps in guiding the reader through your argument more effectively.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics to support your claims regarding tourism's economic benefits and cultural exchange. This would enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
Content
Your essay presents a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of international tourism.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally clear, with distinct paragraphs for each main point.
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