IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

While international tourism offers many advantages and a lot of places, it brings about several disastrous on both people and the environment there. Do the advantages of tourism outweigh disadvantages?

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Nowadays, travelling around the world is trending and offering numerous
of
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apply
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advantages to many places
while
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 international
tourism
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also
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 brings several effects on relevant circumstances
people
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 and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 effect. I believe that international
tourism
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 brings more benefits to the place and local
people
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 by developing many chances and opportunities compared to a few drawbacks for
people
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 and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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. The growth of international
tourism
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 brings numerous advantages for
people
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, places, environments, and cultures.
Firstly
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, economic growth since
tourism
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 generates significant revenue for countries, boosting their economy, and creating job opportunities in sectors like hospitality, transportation, and entertainment.
Besides
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 that, it is developed in local businesses, from restaurants to souvenir shops, leading to economic diversification.
Secondly
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, cultural exchange since travellers have the chance to experience and learn about different cultures, traditions, and lifestyles.
Finally
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, environmental awareness as protected areas and national parks
are
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often receive funding and recognition
due to
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tourism
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.
On the other hand
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, there are a few drawbacks from international
tourism
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 for environmental impact like increased carbon emissions from air travel contributing to climate change.
Moreover
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, over-
tourism
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 can lead to the degradation of natural ecosystems,
such
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 as coral reefs or forests, and excessive waste in tourist destinations. On top of that, cultural erosion from excess
tourism
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 can lead to the dilution of cultures and traditions.
For example
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, some communities may prioritize catering to
tourism
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 over preserving their cultural heritage. In conclusion, international
tourism
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 brings numerous positive opportunities.
However
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, there are
also
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 negative implications like environmental damage and cultural erosion if the number of
tourism
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 is in an unregulated manner.

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Task Achievement
Try to refine your thesis statement in the introduction to make it clearer what your position is regarding the advantages and disadvantages of international tourism.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that relate to that topic. This will help the logical structure of your argument.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples or statistics related to the advantages and disadvantages of tourism. This strengthens the argument and provides relevance to your points.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of international tourism, which is a key requirement for this task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear structure with separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages; this shows an understanding of coherence and cohesion in writing.
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