IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Young people spend less of their free time with their family nowadays. What are the reasons for this? Are there more negative or positive sides to this trend?

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Nowadays, the new generation tends to spend less
time
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 with their family than in the past. There are several reasons for
this
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, including negative circumstances and consequences,
as well as
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 more than a few positive relevant impacts for youths, adults, and societies. I believe that lack of connection with family
members
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 creates disadvantages more than advantages. There is no doubt that technology and social media are easy to access and attractive to young
people
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.
This
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 cause might create a distance between young
people
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 and other family
members
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 since the youth is more likely to spend their free
time
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 online like entertainment or text with their peers. If the parents
also
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 have only specific
time
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 after work to share with the
members
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,
this
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 may not work with the busy family, which is why most families seem to be in the same situation.
In addition
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, a busy schedule and rising pressure of education, work, and activities of young adults in competitor societies.
This
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 might be the one reason
people
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 in the big city have to face.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 trend could
also
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 be indicated in the positive side of young
people
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 becoming more self-reliant and developing a broader social network outside their family, which can be beneficial for their personal and professional growth. In conclusion,
people
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 who spend less
time
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 with their family
members
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 affect
to
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apply
show examples
the family bond and relationship in both sides neither positive nor negative way.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples or elaboration on your points to strengthen your arguments, particularly regarding the positive aspects of spending less time with family.
coherence and cohesion
Improve transitions between ideas in each paragraph for clearer connections, which will enhance the overall logical flow of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify the conclusion statement. Rather than stating it affects family bonds 'in both sides neither positive nor negative way,' try to summarize your stance more clearly, emphasizing the predominant impact you believe it has.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, establishing a position on the negative effects of spending less time with family.
task achievement
You successfully identified technological influence as a significant factor contributing to this trend, which is relevant and topical.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • individualistic values
  • proliferation
  • engage
  • extracurricular activities
  • weakened family bonds
  • traditional values
  • self-reliant
  • social network
  • personal and professional growth
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