IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Younger generations these days prefer communicating through social media platforms rather than engaging in
a
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apply
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one
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-on-
one
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 communication with others.
This
Linking Words
 essay will suggest that social
anxiety
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 is the main reason
of
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for
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this
Linking Words
 problem and how the role of
parent
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parents
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 is crucial to solve
this
Linking Words
 particular problem. Social
anxiety
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 seems to become more prevalent among teenagers these days and unfortunately, some
seems
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seem
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 to not know that they have it. There are many causes of social
anxiety
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 but for me personally, I would think that social media is the cause.
Kids
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 these days tend to spend more time on social
medias
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media
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 rather than engaging in the real world.
For instance
Linking Words
,
kids
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 who always spend too much time on their
phone
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phones
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 will lack
of
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apply
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social skills, which diminishes their confidence to communicate
to
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with
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 others in real life. A viable solution is to have parents play an important role
to help
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in helping
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 their
kids
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 to spend more time meeting
one
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 another in person. There are many programs specialised to increase
one
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's ability
in
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to
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 socialising with
one
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 another. Parents should first try enrolling their
kids
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to
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on
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 these programs. If
this
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 approach doesn't work, they should consider alternative solutions.
One
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 clear example is enrolling them in a leadership programme where they are needed to communicate and lead others.
This
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 would be really helpful especially in boosting their confidence, making it easier for them to communicate in real life. In conclusion, the major issue with teenagers not wanting to meet
one
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 another in person is having social
anxiety
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 which could affect
one
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's mental health if it isn't treated soon. The solution to overcome
this
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 problem is by having parents register their
kids
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to
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in
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 a leadership programme.

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task response
The introduction could be strengthened by providing a clearer overview of your main arguments and a more precise thesis statement. This will help to outline the structure of your essay more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that you use linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This will make your essay flow better and enhance clarity.
task response
In your body paragraphs, provide more examples and detail to support your points. While you brush on a few ideas, they would benefit from expanded explanations or more varied examples to strengthen your arguments.
task response
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue and addresses both parts of the task, discussing reasons for online socializing and solutions to encourage in-person interactions.
task response
The use of personal insight, particularly your own perception of social media's impact, adds a relatable aspect to your argument which helps engage the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • socialization
  • curate
  • engaging
  • social anxiety
  • digital detox
  • tech-free zones
  • mentorship programs
  • real-world interactions
  • face-to-face settings
  • in-person participation
  • promote
  • deter
  • foster
  • appeal
  • perspectives
  • detox challenges
  • community service
What to do next:
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