IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives.

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In
this
Linking Words
 era, humans see advertising everywhere so it impacts
to
Change preposition
apply
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us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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about
Change preposition
apply
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factors of purchasing , whether it is beneficial or a drawback
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
Linking Words
This
Change preposition
In this
show examples
 essay I will
be writing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
expand on the reason for advertisements. Some people believe that advertising encourages us to waste money on not value stuff. The first reason,
the
Add a missing verb
is the
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 of a person
loves
Correct pronoun usage
who loves
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 discount prices or promotions
for example
Linking Words
cloth's
Change noun form
clothes
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 store in every December will have a black Friday,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 have to buy
one
Use synonyms
 get
one
Use synonyms
 or discount
30
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of 30
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%
,
Remove the comma
apply
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if you buy
minimum
Add an article
a minimum
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 of $1000.
This
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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will attract you to pay more than your
necessity
Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
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.
Use synonyms
One
Correct your spelling
On
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 the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
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, advertisements show unseen
object
Fix the agreement mistake
objects
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 that you have never seen before like new gadgets. The present technology is very important to the world, we can approach the internet all the
time
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
 we actually see the advertising anywhere for
instant
Replace the word
instance
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, In the sky train, I see
an automatic ironing machines
Correct the article-noun agreement
an automatic ironing machine
automatic ironing machines
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 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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similar brands the I use the iron. The
machine
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machine is
machine was
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 able to manage several clothes at the same
time
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 so it can decrease the
time
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 of the clothes. The effect of activities
that
Add a missing verb
is that
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 we spend more
time
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 with family. In conclusion, the advertisement may waste more
budgets
Fix the agreement mistake
budget
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 but we will gain more
one
Use synonyms
 thing.
However
Linking Words
, it can open the world to others.
Thus
Linking Words
 , in my opinion, I believe advertising has more advantages than disadvantages. It helps people to know
world
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about world
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 development.

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Task Achievement
The introduction should clearly state your opinion and outline the main points you will discuss in the essay. Consider rephrasing 'this essay I will be writing expand on the reason for advertisements.' to something like 'This essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of advertising.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your ideas. Use more linking words and phrases to connect your arguments and make the essay easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Provide clearer and more specific examples to support your points. Instead of general statements like 'waste money on not value stuff,' explain how advertising leads to unnecessary purchases with more context or examples.
Task Achievement
You have introduced both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion well, indicating a clear stance on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
What to do next:
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