IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation” What might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

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Today, the world of
work
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 has become much more diverse, leading to the emergence of many forms of
work
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,
such
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 as remote
work
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 and hybrid
work
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. In
this
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 context, people
also
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 have the freedom to start a
business
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 and
work
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 for themselves.
Although
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 at first it may seem very attractive and beneficial,
be
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being
show examples
 self-employed can
also
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 have several disadvantages. Nowadays, most young people and adults are looking for a
job
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 that provides them with a good salary, free time and growth,
however
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, it is rarely possible to have all of that in one
job
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. Working in a company or
business
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 offers security, a decent salary, and a bonus or two, but even so, the temptation to be free from a boss ends up convincing workers to leave their jobs. A study by the University of California
,
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apply
show examples
 showed that workers tend to stay in a company for an average of 18 months, which indicates a lack of commitment or boredom. The idea of ​​starting a
business
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 may seem wonderful, but the outlook is very uncertain and the risk can be very high. Many people endure periods of loss, that may
last
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 up to two years before they begin to see profits.
This
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 is often the main reason why a
business
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 fails. Successful entrepreneurs say the key is to be pragmatic and well-informed, comparing possible scenarios and never leaving a stable
job
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 without having savings. In conclusion, working for a company may not be attractive, but it gives us the financial security and stability to save. Working for oneself offers many advantages,
for instance
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, more time for ourselves, less pressure, etc.
However
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, it
also
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 requires a great deal of planning and experience, It's never advisable to abruptly leave a
job
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, with the sole intention of starting your own
business
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.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction is generally clear but could be more engaging to draw readers in. Consider rephrasing to make it more compelling.
task achievement
The main points are relevant; however, some could be better supported with specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes your points, but it might be beneficial to include a brief reflection on the future of self-employment or suggest further considerations for potential entrepreneurs.
task achievement
You have effectively introduced the topic of self-employment and its attractiveness, which serves to contextually frame your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The structure is generally logical, with a clear progression from discussing the appeal of self-employment to outlining its disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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