IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Using a cell phone while driving is dangerous because it causes the driver to become distracted. Therefore, cell phone use by drivers should be made illegal. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Advancement and the growing need to multitask
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 led to a spike in the usage of
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
. People cannot let go of it, even
while
Linking Words
 driving. It is
thus
Linking Words
 believed that in order to avoid
risk
Add an article
the risk
show examples
 of distraction, phones must be banned
while
Linking Words
 driving.
This
Linking Words
 statement can be completely agreed upon. Henceforth are the reasons for my stand.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, using a
cellphone
Correct your spelling
cell phone
show examples
while
Linking Words
 driving not only puts the driver's life in danger
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 poses a threat to other people
such
Linking Words
 as pedestrians crossing the street and other cars on the road.
This
Linking Words
consequently
Linking Words
 causes loss to someone who is not even at fault. It was found in a study that 50%
victims
Change preposition
of victims
show examples
 of car accidents were harmed/injured
due to
Linking Words
 the use of cellphone by the driver.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, phone screens can be very bright, constantly looking at
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 may cause temporary vision impairments
such
Linking Words
 as
appearance
Add an article
the appearance
show examples
 of
dark
Correct article usage
a dark
show examples
 spot.
As a result
Linking Words
, focusing on the road
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
during
Change preposition
at
show examples
 night time becomes difficult.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, talking to someone
while
Linking Words
 driving might
also
Linking Words
 affect the mental state of a person.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 if someone gets
a bad news
Remove the article
bad news
a piece of bad news
show examples
while
Linking Words
 driving, chances are they would be in an accident, which was proved by psychology in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research conducted
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 years ago. In conclusion,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
while
Linking Words
 driving must be against the law. Stopping by and finishing the conversation is always an option when it comes to emergency calls. We can get back to missed calls but not life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay is coherent and presents a clear argument, consider developing your supported main points further. Expand on the examples or provide statistical data to enhance the clarity of your arguments.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that ties back to your main argument. This will help in maintaining a logical flow throughout your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: