IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is often said that governments spend too much mo ey on projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problems. That are more important? Do you agree or disagree?

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It is often argued that
governments
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 spend too much money on projects aimed at protecting
wildlife
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,
while
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 there are other pressing
issues
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 that deserve more attention. I partially agree with
this
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 point of view, as I believe that protecting
wildlife
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 is important, but
governments
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also
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 need to focus on other critical
issues
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 that affect human society. On one hand, protecting
wildlife
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 is essential for maintaining the balance of ecosystems. Many species are at risk of extinction
due to
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 human activities,
such
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 as deforestation, pollution, and climate change. If
governments
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 do not invest in conservation efforts, we could lose valuable biodiversity, which could have serious consequences for food security, medicine, and the environment.
For example
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, many plants and animals play crucial roles in ecosystems by pollinating crops, controlling pests, or contributing to the development of new medicines.
Therefore
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, investing in
wildlife
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 protection is an investment in the health of the planet.
On the other hand
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, there are other
issues
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 that are equally, if not more, urgent. Problems
such
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 as poverty, healthcare, education, and unemployment directly affect human well-being. In many countries, people struggle to meet their basic needs, and
governments
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 need to prioritize addressing these
issues
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 before spending large sums of money on
wildlife
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 conservation.
For instance
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, providing healthcare to underprivileged communities or improving education systems may have a more immediate and direct impact on people’s lives. In
such
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 cases, balancing
wildlife
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 conservation with human welfare is crucial. In conclusion,
while
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 protecting
wildlife
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 is an important goal,
governments
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 must
also
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 consider the needs of their populations. I believe that a balanced approach, where both environmental protection and human
issues
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 are addressed, is the best way forward.
Governments
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 should allocate resources wisely to ensure the well-being of both people and the planet.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear position and addresses the prompt effectively, although it does not fully argue against the merits of government spending on wildlife protection. Strengthening your counter-argument could enhance your task response.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear, but you might consider adding a stronger statement regarding your stance to make it more impactful. In your conclusion, reiterating the importance of balancing both perspectives could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is solid, with distinct paragraphs that follow a logical progression. However, linking phrases could help connect ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
You presented a well-elaborated argument about the importance of wildlife protection, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay exhibits a logical flow and clearly developed ideas, maintaining clarity throughout most sections.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which enhances the depth of your discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • conservation
  • eco-tourism
  • interconnected issues
  • misallocation of resources
  • intrinsically valuable
  • sustainable development
  • biodiversity hotspot
  • environmental stewardship
  • habitat preservation
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