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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
It is vital to accumulate capital for the future, especially for young adults. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement because in case of emergencies, a fund is always going to be useful to handle unexpected risks, and a person can utilise their savings to purchase items that are of desire.
Thus
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, I will elaborate on my two reasons in
this
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 essay.
Body paragraph 1
Emergencies of all categories may befall individuals at any given time, and
such
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 cases demand money, relieving the would-be victims from inconveniences. Sudden situations, including unemployment, illnesses, or even menial events
such
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 as a car accident, can all devastatingly affect a person’s daily life. A fiscal backup can offset
such
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 tragedies to an extent, if not fully mitigate the possible outcomes.
For example
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, the sudden death of a family member can plunge the relatives into financial ruin if they cannot pay for a funeral.
However
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, having a fund would alleviate the load by relieving pressure or preventing unnecessary loans, which would cause inconveniences.
Body paragraph 2
A wish list is something every person has or wants to have, even though not everyone has the ability to purchase their desired item. That inability comes from a lack of funds,
further
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 creating the need to save money that can enable individuals to achieve their personal goals without relying on others or financial support.
Thus
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, they resort to accumulating capital over extended periods to gain the item of desire.
For instance
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, many university students work part-time and save the extra income to pay for tuition.
Therefore
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, collecting capital not only satisfies personal desire but can
also
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 help to achieve financial goals.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly agree that everyone, especially young people, should save money for the future. It is not only important during times of emergency but
also
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 can allow people to achieve their goals without any financial burden.
Consequently
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, setting up a financial backup can be useful for youngsters.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start, and you give two main reasons. To make the answer stronger, explain more why saving is very important for young people, not only for all people.
task response
Your first point about illness, job loss, and accidents is useful. However, the example of a funeral is a little narrow. Add one short example about a young person who loses a job or has to pay for health care.
task response
The second point is less strong because buying wanted things is not always about the future. Focus more on big future plans, such as study, a home, work, or living costs.
task response
Some ideas repeat, such as having money for a wish list and buying a wanted item. Use that space to add a clearer result: saving helps people make their own choices and avoid debt.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. Keep this good plan.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas more natural. Some linking words, such as 'Thus' and 'Therefore', are used many times. Use simple links like 'Also', 'As a result', and 'For this reason' when they fit.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are long and hard to follow. Break them into two shorter sentences, especially in the first body part. This will make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make each topic sentence state the main point in a direct way. For example: 'Saving money helps people deal with sudden problems.' Then give the reason and example.
task response
You answer the question directly and clearly show strong agreement.
task response
You use relevant examples, including job loss, illness, car accidents, and tuition costs.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, so the reader can follow your answer easily.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion restates your main view and brings the essay to a clear end.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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