IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Advantages and disadvantages that retired people want to live abroad

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Many retired communities are choosing to move abroad. I believe that the older generation abroad moving decision
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will prevent them from a sense of loneliness.
Instead
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 of sitting at home retired population started choosing other countries with better climates since warmer climates can be beneficial for their health , and another country's hospitality can be better than their country’s medicine . Some generations have enough money for travelling. They like to experience new cultures , and languages as well.
In addition
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, there is less stress cheaper life and
also
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 they can relax so it can be one of the reasons why the community want to change to another country.
However
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adapting to a new culture and language can cause some problems. Learning languages at
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 age isn’t easy so they might have language barriers. If some retired couples move abroad, their friends won’t be able to move with them so they will be distant from their friends and family.
Additionally
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 living abroad for retired community can be difficult with health problems so they can’t deal with it in another country’s hospitals. In my opinion, it is never too late to change the place where you live to a better place if they have a job that they can work anywhere and if they have enough money, why not?

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task achievement
Try to develop your points further with more specific examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitions between sentences and paragraphs for smoother flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
You effectively identify both advantages and disadvantages of retiring abroad, which provides a balanced view of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your use of varied vocabulary related to the topic reflects good language skills.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
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