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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart depicts the distribution of income groups, namely low (40,000 dollars or less), lower middle (40,00 - 70,000 dollars), middle (70,000 - 120,00 dollars), and high (120,000 dollars or more) in the cities and the regional centers of Australia.

The bar chart depicts the distribution of income groups, namely low (40,000 dollars or less), lower middle (40,00 - 70,000 dollars), middle (70,000 - 120,00 dollars), and high (120,000 dollars or more) in the cities and the regional centers of Australia.
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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of four
income
Use synonyms
 groups (low, lower
middle
Use synonyms
,
middle
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, and high
income
Use synonyms
) in
cities
Use synonyms
 and regional
centres
Use synonyms
 of Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 in the
cities
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was
Change the verb form
were
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 in the
Use synonyms
middle
Add a hyphen
middle-income
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income
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the
lower
Add a hyphen
lower-middle
show examples
middle
Use synonyms
group
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 was dominant in the regional
centres
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. More than 50% of
people
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 living in the regional
centres
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 received less than 70,000
AUD
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 per year, whilst more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
people
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 in the
cities
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 gained more than that number. In the
cities
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, 35% of
people
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 had an average yearly
income
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 between 70,000 to 120,000
AUD
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, making
this
Linking Words
group
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 the
dominance
Replace the word
dominant
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. The second highest proportion was the lower
middle
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group
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 at 30%, followed by the
group
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 of high
income
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 (more than 120,000
AUD
Use synonyms
 per year) and low
income
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 (less than 40,000
AUD
Use synonyms
 per year) which accounted for 20% and under 15% respectively. In terms of the regional
centres
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, there were nearly 35% of
people
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 categorized in the lower
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middle
Add a hyphen
middle-income
show examples
income
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group
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. The percentage of
people
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earned
Correct pronoun usage
who earned
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 between 70,000 to 120,000
AUD
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 was slightly lower than those in the lower
middle
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group
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, making it ranked
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place. The least number of
people
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 was in the
high
Add a hyphen
high-income
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income
Use synonyms
group
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 and the remaining was in the
low
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words income, middle, cities, centres, people, group, aud with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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