IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Art is considered an important part of our society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you think children should be encourged to focus on art rather than other subject.

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Art
Use synonyms
 is seen as a key part of society
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also
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and also
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 helps expressing their culture. In my opinion, it is important to teach
art
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 as opens up
creative
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a creative
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 mindset, it should not be given more priority than other
subjects
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 as it does not play
a
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an
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 important role in
majority
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the majority
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career
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of career
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 options. In my perspective, learning about
art
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 in schools
help
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helps
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students
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 to enable their creative skill-set. Which leads to
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overall
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the overall
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 development of the mind.
This
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 can open doors to
the
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a
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 great number of innovative ideas and inventions for future generations.
For example
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, The double helix model of
dna
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DNA
 was imagined under the influence of drugs by Mr.
watson
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Watson
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 and Mr.
crick
Capitalize word
Crick
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while
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 looking at a painting. We have to acknowledge
importance
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the importance
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 of the double helix model in the modern era of medical science.
Although
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,
art
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 should be taught in schools
but
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apply
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not at the cost of ignoring other more important
subjects
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 like Science and Maths because
,
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apply
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 it does not play a crucial role as much as other
subjects
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 in
majority
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the majority
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career
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of career
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 choices. In many countries
students
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 who didn’t pursue Maths or Biology are
no
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not
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 allowed to write competitive exams like the JEE and NEET.
For instance
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, A doctor does not need
the
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apply
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indepth
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in-depth
in depth
 knowledge about
art
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while
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 treating a patient. In conclusion,
art
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 should be taught to
students
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 in school as it helps them
in developing
Wrong verb form
develop
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 creativity, but not by disregarding other
subjects
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 as they play a key role in pursuing majority career options in the coming future for the
students
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to elaborate on your points more clearly, especially in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your arguments, as this would strengthen your credibility.
grammar and language
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to improve the overall clarity of your writing.
task achievement
You provide a strong argument for the importance of art in fostering creativity.
relevant specific example
Your example of the double helix model illustrates an interesting connection between art and science.
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