IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Since science and technology are becoming more and more important in modern society, schools should spend more time on teaching these subjects rather on arts and humanities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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As
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With
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 the innovation of
science
Use synonyms
 and technology, it has become significant that more time and priority are given to these courses in schools, than humanities or arts subjects. I totally disagree with the given perspective as personal development and relaxation from anxiety will help students by learning all other
subject
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subjects
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along with
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 new ones.
To begin
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 with, learning
science
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 is like performing practicals on nature which is indirectly harming habitat. A lot of research done by scientists,
approve
Verb problem
suggests
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 that it is very challenging in schools for some students to be capable of performing
these kind
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this kind
these kinds
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 of activities. As most of the chemicals used in these practises, if used in a wrong
quatity
Correct your spelling
quantity
quality
 will result in forming bad reactions but, if students learn paintings or music lessons they achieve more
,
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apply
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 than they destroy anything. So, it should be based on
learners
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learners'
learner's
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lackness
Correct your spelling
lack
 of skills. Moving
further
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, technology can only help
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 to increase productivity, it does not help to improve communication or confidence skills.
For example
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,
humanties
Correct your spelling
humanities
 lectures can help pupils to be
a
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apply
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better
speaker
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speakers
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as well as
Linking Words
 fight for rights when needed
while
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,
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apply
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science
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 or technology can not beat that.
Thus
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, there is
need
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a need
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 to look,
which
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at which
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 skill learners lack and need classes on that. Teaching
according to
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 the needed
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
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 is
better
Add an article
a better
the better
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 option, rather than spending more time on other things.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe it should be based on person to person which criteria to teach as each individual has different capabilities and focus should be given to make them good in all subjects. When they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spend more time on
science
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 they will easily get tired and look for relaxation techniques which can be found in
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 and
humanties
Correct your spelling
humanities
.

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task achievement
Clarify your thesis statement to make your main argument clearer and more precise. For example, explain why you believe importance in arts and humanities can equally benefit students as STEM subjects.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the overall structure of your paragraphs by ensuring each one has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. This helps guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied and accurate vocabulary, especially to explain your ideas and examples. This will enhance the clarity of your writing and make your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
You express a clear personal stance on the issue, indicating your disagreement with prioritizing science and technology over arts and humanities, which is a strong start to the essay.
task achievement
Some examples provided help support your arguments, showing the potential benefits of arts and humanities in developing soft skills like communication.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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