IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think it affects the whole family?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
undeniable that nowadays guardians have a busy schedule
due to
Linking Words
 which their
offspring’s
Change the noun form
offspring
offspring
show examples
 are nourished by their
grandparents
Use synonyms
 only.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend can have some impacts on the development of
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
 growth which
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss in upcoming paragraphs. The most imperative effect is that
gap
Correct article usage
the gap
show examples
 can
be increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 between the relationship
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the
parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 because; if juveniles
utilize
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 their whole
time
Use synonyms
 with
grandparents
Use synonyms
 only
then
Linking Words
 their young ones do not expect anything from their
parents
Use synonyms
. So in
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 their bond and relationship with them can
be become
Change to the active voice
become
show examples
 weaker which is the main cause considered for
generation
Add an article
the generation
show examples
 gap. A recent study from Oxford University found that 70% of
children
Use synonyms
 are becoming more stubborn and aggressive because of the lack of
parents
Use synonyms
’ attention.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the ancient
Use synonyms
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 there was no
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
type of burden on the
elder
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
 ones and they enjoyed their life with their teammates,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 everything has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changed and they have to perform so many tasks in the absence of their
children
Use synonyms
,
along with
Linking Words
 it they have to take care of their grandchildren which they quit
find
Change the verb form
finding
show examples
 difficult because in
this
Linking Words
 age
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 they want to relax their life as for the life they have done a lot.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of putting
burden
Add an article
the burden
a burden
show examples
 on them
Add a comma
,
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 should spend some
time
Use synonyms
 with their
children
Use synonyms
 and
grandparents
Use synonyms
 because
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same
time
Use synonyms
 they both want to
engage
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 their
time
Use synonyms
 with them.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
according to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my opinion
parents
Use synonyms
 and
grandparents
Use synonyms
 both are inevitable for fostering
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their young ones. So it’s not only the responsibility of their
grandparents
Use synonyms
 , but guardians should
also
Linking Words
 give some
time
Use synonyms
 to them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly articulate your main ideas and support them with strong evidence. Some points need more development.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more smoothly using cohesive devices. Some transitions are missing or could be improved.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive phrases and aim for a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear viewpoint regarding the impact of grandparents raising children.
task achievement
There are some insightful observations about the challenges faced by both grandparents and parents.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Generational gap
  • Cultural heritage
  • Primary caregivers
  • Modern parenting techniques
  • Family bonds
  • Emotional development
  • Social development
  • Role reversal
  • Physical demands
  • Mental health
  • Direct involvement
  • Missed milestones
  • Guilt or stress
  • Wisdom and patience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: