IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the 20th century, contact between different parts of the world has developed rapidly thanks to air travel and telecommunication. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the 20th century
the
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apply
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different parts of the
world
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 came in touch with the help of growing
telecommunication
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 and air travel. Here I would like to talk about the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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. To commence with advantages, the swiftly growing
telecommunication
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 between different parts of the
world
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 makes it easier to contact their loved
for
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ones for
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 the
one's
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ones
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 who
lives
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live
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 away from their homes. They Can easily reach
to
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apply
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their family through video chatting, calling or texting and get
the
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update
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updates
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 on their loved one's well-being.
Furthermore
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, with the increasing travelling capacity of
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aircraft
aircrafts
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aircrafts,
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 people can reach anywhere in the
world
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. Air travel is the main source of travelling for
the
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tourists to visit other
countries
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. With increased
tourism
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tourism,
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 the
world
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 economy
is
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is also increasing
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also
Linking Words
 increase. Many
countries
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 are only running their economy based on tourism like Dubai, Thailand. Malaysia etc. On top of it. increasing international contact is helping the businesses in expanding in the other
countries
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 which is helping the businesses to be diverse and more profitable for each nation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , with the increasing
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telecommunication
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telecommunication,
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 the risk of worldwide cyber attacks is increasing. we have witnessed a lot of cases of data breaches and hacking of
bank
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banks
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 which not only cost billions in funds to the banks but
also
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 put a
disblief
Correct your spelling
disbelief
 in international alliances of different
countries
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. In Conclusion, I would say even though increased
telecommunication
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 and air travel put
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world
Add an article
the world
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under
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at
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 potential
risks
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risk
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 the benefits
of
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apply
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it
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apply
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outweigh the cons
of
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apply
show examples
it
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apply
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to use a clearer introduction that clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in the body of the essay. This will help set up the reader’s expectations more effectively.
task achievement
Expand on your points with more detailed explanations and examples to enhance clarity and provide comprehensive ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to maintain consistent verb tense throughout the essay to avoid confusion and ensure grammatical accuracy.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages, which is crucial for task response.
task achievement
You used relevant examples to support your points, particularly in mentioning tourism-related economies.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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