IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that governments should invest mainly in making public transportation faster while others think there are more important priorities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, major cities reckon that having faster and
advanced
Correct quantifier usage
more advanced
show examples
 transport
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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in
Correct your spelling
is
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 key to
become
Change the verb form
becoming
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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successful
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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one
Use synonyms
. Some individuals believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 should mainly focus on investing in resolving the traffic problems by making transportation faster, others reject
this
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 notion and argue that there are other essential aspects to look at
instead
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.
This
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 essay will analyse both views by demonstrating points in the following paragraphs. On the
one
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 hand, faster-transporting services will definitely help in resolving major environmental concerns.Because of the congestion on the road
due to
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 frequent signals, people often honk unnecessarily, resulting in increasing noise pollution.
In addition
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 to
this
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, carbon released from the engines raises air pollution which in turn affects the other environmental issues.
Hence
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, financial support from the
government
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 to make more expressways and flyovers will be beneficial.
On the contrary
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, unemployment is another major concern which needs equal attention from the
government
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.Investing in medical research will help create jobs for many individuals
as well as
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 it will help in providing cures for the spreading diseases, which is another common problem.
Furthermore
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, investing in educational services will create new opportunities for everyone in terms of providing work and options for children to pursue education.
Therefore
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, in
this
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 way, the
government
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 will resolve two important issues of increasing population.
To sum up
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, the
government
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 has multiple concerns to look at, but prioritising which
one
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 to resolve first, should depend on how many problems
one
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 will resolve.
However
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, I recommend that with an increment in population, joblessness is
also
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 spiking.
Hence
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,the
government
Use synonyms
 should put money into creating more job vacancies to help the nation grow.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure clarity in introducing your argument. A clearer introduction will set the tone and outline the main points better.
task achievement
More examples could strengthen the arguments. Consider adding specific examples or data to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to avoid minor spelling and grammatical errors as these can detract from your overall score. E.g. 'faster-transporting services' could be simplified to 'faster transport services'.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion of both views, which demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with clear paragraphs discussing individual points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public transportation
  • traffic congestion
  • pollution levels
  • commuters
  • carbon footprint
  • allocating funds
  • healthcare
  • education
  • quality of life
  • basic infrastructure
  • sustainability
  • economy
  • employment opportunities
  • productivity
  • environmental protection
  • housing
  • balanced development
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