IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? Give reasons for your answer.

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Nowadays, some people insist that young
children
Use synonyms
 have the
neccessarity
Correct your spelling
necessary
necessity
 to play at home before they get to six or seven years old,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that having
school
Correct article usage
a school
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 education
since
Change preposition
at
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earlier
Correct article usage
an earlier
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 age is beneficial.
Linking Words
According to
Change preposition
In
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 my view, the advantages of going to school early are abundant so I agree with the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
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 opinion. The young pupils have less non-scientific lead
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 with the older ones. Young
children
Use synonyms
 who are under six or seven are more curious about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh things because they have little
interfere
Replace the word
interference
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of
Change preposition
with
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 wrong information from the outside world.
For instance
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,
parents
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 are likely to introduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basic knowledge like simple math solutions to their
pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
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 kids.
But
Correct word choice
However
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 the pedagogy principles are not implemented in
these circumstance
Change the determiner
this circumstance
these circumstances
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, which
finally
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 makes the
children
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 frustrated and
feel
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apply
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disappointed.
Moreover
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, some
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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parents
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 or other adults give
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 incorrect, causing the mislead of
children
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. Getting started from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 younger age to become school pupils is beneficial for the time and energy of pupils'
parents
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then
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promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. The
parents
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 have a lot of stress from the workplace and their time
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not enough to take care of their
children
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. If the kids go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional education organizations,
parents
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 will have more space to accomplish their own work,
Linking Words
finally
Correct pronoun usage
which finally
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 leads to the society
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 better profits and advancement. All in all, the benefits of attending
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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 are both good for young people themselves and adults even the society. The
publics
Fix the agreement mistake
public
show examples
 should pay attention to the
youngers
Correct your spelling
youngsters
show examples
 to encourage them to go to schools as
swift
Change the word
swiftly
show examples
 as possible after the
children
Use synonyms
 have the awareness of studying. At the same time, the dependants should have
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 rational conscious.

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Task Response
Clarify and specify your thesis statement in the introduction to make your position clearer.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively for better flow.
Task Response
Ensure that your main points are more fully developed and explained in your body paragraphs.
Task Response
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, supporting the idea of early schooling for children.
Task Response
You've provided relevant points about the benefits of early education, which is good for the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • socialization
  • peer interaction
  • academic foundation
  • literacy
  • numeracy
  • structured environment
  • discipline
  • time management
  • organizational skills
  • diversity
  • perspectives
  • acceptance
  • educational resources
  • extracurricular activities
  • learning experience
  • early identification
  • learning disabilities
  • intervention
  • support
  • assistance
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