IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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A lot of foods and
drink
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drinks
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 have high levels of
sugar
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, which end
ups
Replace the word
up
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 with health problems. Products that
contains
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contain
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sugar
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 must be made more costly to make
people
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to
Change the verb form
apply
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have less
sugar
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees that
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 have to take less
sugar
Use synonyms
, essay starts with describing
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
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 part,
then
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 keeps going with
negative
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the negative
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 and
at the end
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i
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I
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 will give my opinion. Nowadays many
people
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 eat sugary food and will have a colossal health problem. Making sugary products more expensive is the way to avoid
sugar
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. Most
people
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 love
sugar
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, but they love money more and they are going to decline that offer.
For example
Linking Words
, my friend was
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sugar
Correct article usage
a sugar
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 lover and he was buying
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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too many sugary drinks and foods, but after increasing their cost he started to have less
sugar
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 and today he completely avoids it. Grown person understands how dangerous
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
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 is
due to
Linking Words
 their knowledge about it, but
children
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 do not.
Children
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 love sugary drinks or food and when they have money they are going to buy it despite their cost.
For example
Linking Words
, the study of health care
hospital
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hospitals
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 which was made in 2021 shows that
children
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 consume more
sugar
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 than
adult
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adults
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 and
that is
Linking Words
 the main problem of
children
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. To avoid
this
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, parents should teach their
children
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 to not eat sugary meals or drinks. In conclusion, costly sugary meals
is
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are
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 going to keep grown
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 away from
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 but
children
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 have to be kept away from
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 by their parents. In my opinion, making sugary meals more
expansive
Correct your spelling
expensive
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 is not only good for
people
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 to consume less
sugar
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, but
also
Linking Words
 to completely avoid it.

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coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of ideas by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main point and that ideas transition smoothly between paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide a more detailed introduction that clearly states your position and approach to the essay topic.
task achievement
Include more varied and specific examples to support your arguments, which would strengthen your overall analysis.
task achievement
You demonstrate a clear opinion on the topic and provide some personal examples, which adds a personal touch to your essay.
task achievement
Your essay attempts to address both sides of the issue (adults vs. children), showing a broader perspective on the problem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
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