IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages.?

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In today’s world, the trend of
people
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 who love to take
risks
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 both on an individual and professional level is increasing significantly. Our society
also
Linking Words
 values those who love to explore the world and take
risks
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.
While
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 taking
risks
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 various negative effects on our lives, I believe that the advantages outweigh the drawbacks.
To begin
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 with, some
people
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 believe that taking
risks
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lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 you to a better opportunity in
life
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. As you can see from young professionals who decide to pursue their career abroad as an example, they tend to have broad perspectives and
an
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apply
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advanced career growth.
In addition
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,
this
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 opportunity will reward them in terms of a higher income
especially
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, especially
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 in the developed nations. What’s more, some
people
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 can develop their skills
while
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 they take an adventurous way of
life
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. They learn how to adapt
in
Change preposition
to
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 an uncertain situation
as a result
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 they tend to have themselves ready for any spontaneous circumstances.
On the other hand
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, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 disadvantages for
people
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 who fear taking
risks
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 or take
risks
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 without proper planning in certain situations. Some professionals face various kinds of failure.
For example
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, professionals who decide to invest their money to build a business without prior planning lead to investment failure. They lost their money which they might have saved from their entire
life
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.
Also
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, it might affect their reputation
especially
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, especially
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 for well-known celebrities.
Moreover
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, some individuals encounter mental health conditions when they experience failure situations. In conclusion,
although
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 taking
risks
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involve
Correct subject-verb agreement
involves
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 some uncertainty in
life
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, I personally believe that
people
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 who are spontaneous and ready to take
risks
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 will open up a better opportunity both in career and personal growth.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay well. Consider rephrasing 'the trend of people who love to take risks' to be more concise, such as 'the increasing trend of risk-takers.'
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, while you provide good examples, linking phrases or words can enhance the flow of ideas. Try to use more cohesive devices to connect your sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
In your conclusion, reiterating how taking risks may lead to success could strengthen your final statement. You might say something like 'Ultimately, the willingness to embrace risks can significantly enhance personal and professional development.'
task achievement
You present a clear opinion throughout the essay, and your argument that the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages is well-established.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as professionals seeking opportunities abroad and the potential risks of poor investment decisions, effectively supports your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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