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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Topic:Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Many people believe that earning a
university
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degree
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 is the key to a successful future,
while
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 others argue that gaining work
experience
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 immediately after high school is more beneficial.
Although
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 both perspectives have valid points, I strongly believe that higher
education
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 provides better long-term opportunities for success. On the one hand, entering the workforce immediately after high school allows individuals to gain hands-on
experience
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 and financial independence at an early age. Many jobs, particularly in fields like music, sports, and entrepreneurship, prioritize practical
skills
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 over theoretical knowledge.
For instance
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, aspiring musicians and dancers benefit more from consistent practice and exposure rather than formal
education
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.
Furthermore
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, gaining real-world
experience
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 early can provide a competitive advantage, as employers often value
skills
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 acquired on the job.
On the other hand
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, a
university
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degree
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 is essential for career growth, especially in fields that require specialized knowledge. Many professions,
such
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 as medicine, engineering, and law, mandate formal
education
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 and certification. Without a
degree
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, individuals may find it challenging to secure well-paying jobs or advance in their careers.
Additionally
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,
university
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education
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 enhances critical thinking, problem-solving
skills
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, and networking opportunities, all of which are essential for long-term professional success.
For example
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, a
degree
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 in business administration not only equips students with technical knowledge but
also
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 helps them develop leadership and analytical
skills
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 that are highly valued in the corporate world. In conclusion,
while
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 working immediately after high school can provide practical
experience
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 and financial benefits, obtaining a
university
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degree
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 is crucial for accessing better career prospects and professional development.
Therefore
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, I believe that pursuing higher
education
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 is the more effective path to long-term success.
However
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, combining academic learning with practical
experience
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 through internships or part-time jobs can create a well-rounded and competitive workforce.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument and addresses both views comprehensively. However, consider adding more nuanced examples or counterarguments to strengthen your points further.
coherence and cohesion
While your structure is logical, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, reinforcing the connections between your ideas.
overall
The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a strong conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • higher education
  • specialized knowledge
  • critical thinking
  • networking
  • internships
  • mentorship
  • practical skills
  • entrepreneurial spirit
  • tuition
  • vocational training
  • financial independence
  • alternative learning
  • career advancement
  • industry demand
  • debts
  • success
  • education credentials
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