IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#people #countries #diseases #curable #medication #drug #companies #products #prices
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There can be little doubt that in many low-income nations, individuals face death from curable diseases
due to
 a lack of medications.
Therefore
, pharmaceutical
companies
 should decrease the
price
 of medications.
This
 essay argues that it is unnecessary to lower the
price
 of pharmaceuticals in many low-income nations because of the
profit
 of drug
companies
 and funding for future medical
research
. It is vital to understand that pharmaceutical
companies
 need to maintain their
profit
 to continue operating and manufacturing new medicines. The cost of developing new medicines, including
research
 and testing, is high.
Consequently
, if a pharmaceutical company cannot manage its
profit
, it could face serious problems
such
 as bankruptcy.
For example
, Medi Cure, once a leading drug company in Vietnam, generously donated a large amount of medicine to some remote villages in South Africa in 2017.
As a result
, Medi Cure's stock declined by 78%, and the company faced a high risk of bankruptcy.
Moreover
, the profits from pharmaceuticals can fund future
research
 into new medications. High drug prices can provide the necessary funds for developing new treatments and innovations.
For instance
, pharmaceutical
companies
 can invest in
research
 to find cures for currently incurable diseases
such
 as cancer, HIV, and AIDS.
Therefore
, reducing the
price
 of pharmaceuticals in some poor countries could slow the advancement of medical science. Taking all points into account, it is evident that the negative consequences outweigh the positives.
Thus
, it is unnecessary for pharmaceutical
companies
 to reduce the
price
 of medication because of
mataining
Correct your spelling
maintaining
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
profit
 and supporting future medical
researchs
Correct your spelling
research
researchers
researches
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
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task achievement
The essay provides arguments against reducing the price of pharmaceuticals in poor countries; however, it could benefit from a more balanced discussion. You could include counterarguments (e.g., moral responsibility or alternative solutions such as subsidies).
coherence cohesion
The essay generally maintains a logical structure. However, certain sentences could be connected more smoothly to improve the overall flow. For example, use more transition words like 'furthermore,' 'on the other hand.'
language use
Some language errors, such as 'mataining' instead of 'maintaining' and 'funding for future medical researchs' instead of 'funding for future medical research,' should be corrected.
task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
Good use of a concrete example (Medi Cure) to illustrate the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
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